Tag Archives: Postmates

It doesn’t always feel good.

Obeying God, doing the right thing, doing what’s needed does not always feel good.

A few examples

Bishop Eddie Long passed. As a victim of sexual abuse, I will probably (want to) do the Harlem Shake and running man on the grave of my abuser. But how I feel about my abuser doesn’t matter because neither Heaven or Hell, me or him belong to me. What if I told you that Bishop Eddie Long was in Heaven? Speaking about a believer’s sin after they pass gives the power to the sin and not to Jesus. I feel like I’m defending Bishop Long and it does not FEEL good. Obeying God, being a Christian, Evangelizing… doesn’t always feel good. A believer goes to Heaven. Period. It says WHOSOEVER BELIEVES in my Bible… not whosoever acts right.

Next example, I feel lonely. (I can’t believe I’m sharing this with yall.) I feel isolated from my friends and family. I’m an introvert but I’m bit of a social butterfly at times. For whatever reason I cannot get anybody closer than arm’s length right now.. All I keep hearing is ‘focus on yourself’ when I pray. Working on Carrie is the best thing to do right now but it does not FEEL GOOD!

Third example, I decided to not give my biological father the opportunity to disappoint me any further. He does not have the heart to be a parent and I don’t chase grown ass people. He has me (and my mom) blocked on Facebook (lol) and he didn’t get my new number when I changed it recently. That doesn’t just not feel good. It feels horrible. The dude that made me doesn’t want to parent me? It’s so tragic its funny. (More on that later, that’s a good story)

Final¬†example, I left my corporate job. I did the right thing. I went to school, got a degree (BARELY) and a nice job.. and that did not feel good. I was very unhappy. ¬†I had a mental breakdown as a result of doing what I THOUGHT was right. After I left my job, I lost my insurance and of course that paycheck. I was broke and could not afford the care I needed (still can’t).

But in the midst of doing what was right and not what felt good I found peace. I felt better the MINUTE I made the decision I wasn’t going back to that job. I realized that I should not be sitting at a desk working for somebody. I am an artist. I’m a hustler. In the midst of this revelation, my mom and I started a T-Shirt Company: HunnTees. I started driving for Postmates and have a few more projects in the works. I am broke (for now). I have no insurance (for now) but I am at peace. I am not miserable. I haven’t been able to say that since July.

So, my advice to you is that I know it doesn’t feel good. But keep going because it does not stay that way. Doing what is hard builds character and perseverance. There’s no getting better without suffering. Count it joy! #ThatsBible

-Carrie

 

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