I’ve always been bold. I have moments where I look back and think “I can’t believe I just said that.” More often my thoughtful moments are “Why won’t anybody say anything?” A good friend of mine tells me I have “no filter.” I think he may be right. For me, the need for the truth to be put out there always outweighs the need to keep the peace. Peace is overrated.
For the sake of my own mental health, I’ve made a conscious effort to stay out of controversy on Facebook. I’ve challenged myself to use that ‘backspace’ on my keyboard and keep on scrolling. I’ve ended arguments with “Be blessed!” and I’ve unfriended and blocked some people. I’ve prayed for people instead of writing a think piece in the ‘reply’. I can’t save everybody. Jesus saved half the people on Calvary, Harriet left plenty of slaves on the plantation. Everybody ain’t going to Canaan. Some will be left behind.
I think I backslid Wednesday though. There’s one Facebook friend I’ve decided to keep around (against my better judgement). I don’t want to delete everyone I disagree with. One, I’d have no friends and two, I must become mature enough to disagree with people and not ruin the friendship right?
He’s a Black man in his 60s and expresses the vilest opinions on women. He’s one of them ‘lady vs. ho’ niggas. He defended Brett Kavanaugh like he was getting paid. He said Stacey Abrams wasn’t ready. I keep telling him he can use a lot less words to say ‘I hate women, especially Black women.”
His sentiments on Stacey Abrams, my fierce opposition and his response is what led to this comment.
“Mouthy Females” sent me. I hollered. That’s what hit dogs do after all.
I HATE being called a female. I hate that people use ‘female’ to describe women. Female is an adjective, not a noun. I am female. I’m not a female. I’m a woman. “Female what? Lizard?” is what I always say. Female is the new ‘bitch’. After you call me a female, I’m done listening. But what good would it have been using my energy telling ‘Shady Pines’ why he shouldn’t call me a female? One, I know a few 60+ year old Black people. They ain’t changing. Two, I knew my Facebook friends would let him have it.
“MOUTHY FEMALES? REALLY.?!” was the theme of the responses. It was too funny to offend me though. So to calm down my friends (who I so appreciate for defending me) I jokingly commented. “I’m putting ‘mouthy female’ on a shirt. That’s golden.” I was joking. I was jussplayin. But then I kept getting messages asking to buy one.
Here’s where I tell you to like HunnyChile, my (and my mother’s) T-Shirt company on Facebook and visit our website.
I designed a ‘Mouthy Female’ shirt as a reclamation. It was meant to be derogatory, meant to hurt my feelings. But like “Nasty Woman”, like the N word. I’m taking it back.
I wouldn’t be described as ‘mouthy’ if I was a man. In the past I have tried not to be mouthy because I was afraid of what men would think of me. I had to stop auditioning to be the wife of every man I came across. I have to speak up for what is right. I have to tell men why they were wrong or to keep their hands to themselves because no one else would. I had to be mouthy.
I have to be a ‘mouthy female’ for some shy little girl who needs to know that it is OK and necessary that she speak up.
I was a shy little girl. My mom, aunts, Stacey Abrams, Maxine Waters, April Ryan and countless other women were/are those ‘mouthy females’ for me. In times such as these, it is necessary for females, women, femmes to be Mouthy.