It ain’t “both sides”.

A lot of what we say is so that we can sleep at night.
“God knows my heart.”
“I was just joking.”
“Your baby is so cute.” 

It’s all bullshit. God knows your heart and still deals with your ass so do better, you weren’t joking you just didn’t think you’d get called out and EVERY baby is NOT cute. But what else you gon say when you see an unfortunate looking baby “Yikes.”? Nah. It’s human nature. I do it. You do it. Though if the baby ain’t cute I just say, ‘you look just like yo daddy!’

As long as your bullshit isn’t affecting my life and vice versa, we’re good. But there is some bullshit that IS affecting my life and the culture, and since I’m an expert on calling out, here I am.

White people have “both side-ed” 100 years too long and we have to address it. The Unite the Right Rally, or the “Cintronella Circle-Jerk”  took place in Charlottesville, Virginia August 11th-12th, 2017. He-who-must-not-be-named, given yet another chance to be an actual leader failed miserably.  After neo-nazi James Fields, Jr.  drove his car into a crowd, killing Heather Heyer and injuring 35 others, the President of these United States said, “There’s blame on both sides…”; thus the “both sides” trend begun.

And my mind was (not really) blown.

If you punch me in the face, and I punch you back, there’s not blame on “both sides”.  The marginalized (POC, women, LGBT, etc.) reacting  to oppression cannot take as much custody of a conflict as an army of young white men chanting “Jews will not replace us.” The side that literally murdered someone cannot also have “fine people”.

These are the same people that ask a woman what she was wearing when she got raped, or that argue a child can seduce a grown ass man.

There were NO fine people on the ‘right’ in Charlottesville. Zero. None. Everyone who showed up for the Unite The Right Rally is a racist piece of shit. Period. Heather Heyer was not in the street  because it was a nice day outside. She was protesting white supremacy, which is a LIE that is always worthy of protest.

They are extreme though, right? Absolutely. I would argue though that “respectable” white people who (appear to be) a teench more reasonable than neo-nazis are also a huge part of the problem.

Meghan McCain is a good example of the respectable conservative white  who is ALSO a part of the problem. So we let them sit at the table, literally.  You won’t find them at neo-nazi marches (because they can’t wear their hoods) but you won’t find them speaking out against racism either. They are republican, after all.

The Meghans of this country benefit from a system founded in white supremacy so while they aren’t white supremacists on paper, (because they have some Black and Jewish friends) they aren’t really mad about white supremacy either and will even try to defend it in a ’round about way. That’s
why they are so passionate about ‘boarder control‘. God forbid a brown immigrant who is more qualified than Meghan get to enter this country because lets face it, the only reason we know Meghan McCain exists is because she’s a white woman named McCain.

The third white is the quiet one. They voted for Trump but won’t admit it and are strangely quiet around covert racism. They even may extend thoughts and prayers to victims of white supremacist motivated terrorists attacks and express that they long for the days when everyone could just get along on both sides of the aisle. They are delusional at best complacent at their worst.

When all levels of whiteness work in concert to take the blame off themselves, victim blame and be be silent they leave a quite the burden on minorities and white social justice warriors, people who are actually doing the work. But they have taken it a step farther.

White people always manage out white themselves.

Last week, leaked FBI documents from fiscal year 2018 indicated that “Black Identity Extremists” or BIEs and animal rights/environmental activists are at the top of their counterterrorism efforts and did not directly mention white supremacy at all.

Now, I have no warm and fuzzy feelings about cops on any level. But I didn’t think that EVERYbody in the FBI was a moron, so yall know I put my Googles to work. Apparently, the current white house didn’t want the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) to mention white supremacy in its report.

There is nothing new about white supremacy it is the foundation on which these United States are built. Don’t argue. What is new is a President (openly) in bed with white supremacy. White supremacy cannot be called out by a white supremacist.

This white house has cut the budget of the DHS’ domestic terrorism program from $21 million in 2017 to $2.6 million currently. Without a budget and  with pressure from the President to not target his base, there is no way for federal law enforcement to even investigate domestic terrorism much less prevent it.

In the past 2 years, white supremacists have been responsible for all race-related incidents. All of them. Every single one. You know who hasn’t? Black Lives Matter (BLM) & People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), cause that’s who they mean when they say Black Identity Extremists and Animal Rights Activists.

PETA and BLM have never gone in Walmart, a church/temple/mosque, a movie theater, night club, music festival or ANYWHERE with an AR-15 and killed dozens of people. White men have. Animal rights activists and social justice warriors don’t have political power. White men do.

BLM was created as a response to the murder of Trayvon Martin. In the same way George Zimmerman is responsible for his murder, white supremacy is responsible for terrorist attacks in El Paso, Dayton, Gilroy, Pittsburg, Louisville, San Diego, & Tallahassee.

And in the same way, George Zimmerman got off, white supremacy is getting off. Since Donald Trump has become President, 62 people have been killed and 79 have been injured in the name of white supremacy.

As long as presidential candidates and political commentators “don’t know what’s in his heart” when the POTUS calls Black/Brown countries, shitholes, Mexican immigrants rapists, calls Black women dogs, claims Black men who disagree with him have low IQ, demand to see a Black person’s birth certificate, and insist that white supremacists are ‘fine people’… the white supremacy will continue to feel emboldened and the danger will only get worse.

The police have stopped 6 white supremacist attacks since El Paso 2 weeks ago. 

It isn’t both sides, It is one side and one side only. It’s the white, cishet-male, Christian side.

It is the responsibility of that side to fix it. Until the we call a spade a spade, a duck a duck and white supremacy, terrorism, we remain in danger. Who is we? Black/Brown people, Brown/Spanish-speaking citizens and immigrants, Muslims, Sikhs, Jews, Women, & LGBT people to name a few.

This is the part of the blog where I wrap it up and call for action but all I’ve got is: White men, this is your fault. Figure out how to fix it.

As Black/Queer woman I’m not taking any responsibility for this problem or using any energy to try to fix it. I’m not coming across the aisle, sitting at the table or being nice to anyone who supports Donald Trump period. I’ve already used too much energy explaining it.

I tell you what I AM gonna do while yall figure it out though. Get a gun.

-C

 

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My Problem With The Body Positive Movement

I’m quickly realizing that I’m not THAT woke. I’m not woke enough to defend grown ass women showing up to their child’s school in bonnets, not woke enough to touch a lawnmower, not woke enough to not laugh at a grown ass man with a yorkie and not woke enough to act like there aren’t health issues associated with being overweight.

I’ve had this blog written for awhile but I knew it’d be controversial and I always lose ‘friends’ when I talk about this topic. My opinions the body positive movement, gender reveals and child support really set people off and to keep it 100, I enjoy getting a reaction out of people. But I’m gonna say this now, I’m not going back and forth with you niggas after I write this as I am too busy living my best life.

Here’s the picture I saw that made me decide to finally post this:

I chose to leave out the @ of the person who posted this because after looking at the rest of their timeline and the thousands of responses under the tweet, I’m not going to add anymore wood to that fire. I quickly realized that this post was a simple projection of their own unhappiness and insecurity and I know how stressful it can be to have your notifications blowing up with people telling you why you’re wrong.

There’s a LOT to unpack here and I feel it necessary to get some precursors outta the way. First of all, the Body Positive Movement centers whiteness. I’d be remiss to not say that out loud. My friend Hess Love wrote a very insightful article addressing White Supremacy, Fatphobia and Colonialism.

Second of all, Fat-Shaming is very real and only one thing on a list of challenges people of a certain size face. Fat-shaming is defined as criticizing people to make them feel ashamed enough to lose weight. It does not work. It actually has quite the opposite affect. Many times critics are people who have never had to struggle with weight and who won’t say anything to their 350 pound momma. If you are not a healthcare professional, you have nWo business addressing someone else’s health. Weight is no measure of character and is no excuse to mistreat someone. It’s none of your business and if you’re doing it to a stranger behind a screen, you’re only doing it to make yourself feel better. Stop offering your unsolicited opinions, especially on people’s bodies. Nobody asked you.

But that’s not why I’m here.

I’m here about the section of the Body Positive Movement that shames people for losing weight.

The Body Positive Movement promotes being happy with your body at any size. From my view, it is largely just a marketing campaign. These days, more women are a size 12+ so (depending where you are and what you’re selling) it isn’t as profitable to JUST make clothing sizes 0-10 anymore. Clothing companies dgaf about you or your health. They only care about your money. If the people with money are a size 22, they’ll make size 22 available so they can get that coin.

I have a T-Shirt company (shameless plug!). When I started out I bought S, M, L, & XL shirts. Since many of my customers are grown ass Black women, I wasn’t moving those Smalls and Mediums at all. XXL and XXXL make up a good number of shirts I sell so those are what I buy first. Capitalism drives all things in this section of the world. The Body Positive Movement wasn’t made for body positivity for real.

As a Black woman that’s size is well into the double digits, I can appreciate the body positive movement. It DOES make me feel good and included to scroll through IG and see more girls that wear my size promoting clothes that will actually fit my body. I know exactly how bad it feels to not be able to find your size in a store. I still rarely go into the fitting room or even shop for clothes. One of my favorite stores, Old Navy just recently started going past size 12 in pants and offering XXL and XXXL shirts. I remember a time when stores like Lane Bryant were the only place I was going to find a pair of pants that fit. (It’s still one of the only places I’m gonna find a bra, pray for me.) Again, this movement in large part was created just to sell clothes and I’m buying them.

While I do believe there are many well-intentioned people behind the movement for Body Positivity and that we should love ourselves regardless of our physical state, I think the movement has the potential to be dangerous and I’ve experienced this potential first hand.

A couple of years ago, I was invited to a community group for fat people by a classmate of mine. I guess I thought eating healthier and physical activity would be involved and when I asked, the response was hostile to say the least. Frankly, it was a group for fat people to meet up… and eat. I always want to support anyone attempting to do something positive but I couldn’t reconcile being part of community of people hostile to weight loss when weight loss was one of my accomplishments and goals. I felt so guilty and shallow.

I ended up in a long unproductive Facebook debate. My fear was that the health implications behind being overweight were being denied and ignored. I talked about how much better I felt because of recent weight loss and them bitches they down played my hard work. They were attempting to gas light me into thinking the improvement in my health had nothing to do with my weight loss.

I had followed a strict diet for a month, dropped 20 lbs and as a result normalized my blood pressure and reversed pre-diabetes. I was proud of myself and they brushed it off. I ended up telling them in so many words they were full of shit and of course, got blocked. That is one of the only times in my life I’ve ever felt bullied.

Now, lets talk about this picture. I looked up the website that created it, and here’s what they have to say about before/after pics. I don’t disagree with most of their views. But the context in which I saw this picture is problematic and becoming a trend so lets address that.

How is shaming people for making a choice about their body ‘Body Positive’? How (in response to abortion legislation) do you scream about a woman’s choice then a week later say ‘fuck her’ for losing weight? In my last blog, I said Pro-Life people weren’t REALLY pro-life, but I’m starting to realize pro-choice people aren’t REALLY Pro-Choice. Many so-called liberals, social justice warriors, and people who fancy themselves ‘conscious’ and ‘woke’ are really pro-you doing only what they agree with or pro-you doing what THEY want to do with THEIR body.

I see this parallel in how women who go on ‘slut-walks’ turn around and shame women who chose to wait until marriage, be stay at home moms or chose not to post their whole birth canal on the ‘gram. That’s why y’all love to hate Ayesha Curry. But that’s a different blog for a different day. The point I’m trying to make is, some pro-choicers are fulla shit too and that there is a Regina George in every group, even those fighting for equality.

Furthermore, if you were that secure and content in your body, seeing someone choosing to lose weight and celebrating it wouldn’t be such a trigger for you. We don’t see things as they are. We see thing as WE are. Nobody posting their fitness journey is thinking about you or trying to offend you. My grandaddy always reminded us “you just aren’t that important”. In many situations, the hostility you feel for others is really the hostility you feel for yourself and your choices. The big mental health challenge of social media is constantly seeing people’s highlight reels and feeling inadequate by comparison. That’s all being mad about somebody’s before/after is. You’re unhappy with your ‘before’, lying to yourself and that has nothing to do with the person on your screen and everything to do with you.

The community and encouragement I’ve received from posting about my weight loss has really benefited both my mental and physical health. I am encouraged and motivated by the fitness journeys I’ve seen and want to provide that same encouragement to someone else.  I’m supposed to not post my journey to make YOU feel better? What about how I feel? This particular section of the movement is narcissistic, insecure, self-centered, projecting and needs to keep that toxic energy over there.

“Posting weight loss shows which bodies you value.”
It absolutely does. Mine is the body that I value, that’s why I’m making healthier choices for it. I am capable of choosing to lose weight and still valuing/fighting for a person who chooses not to.

I’m not qualified or willing to tell you why you should lose weight. That is none of my business. I can only speak for myself. 5’2″ carrying around 310 pounds was one of the most unhealthy points in my life. Granted, a large part of that was my mental health. Stress caused me to develop a very unhealthy relationship with food and I was trapped in a vicious cycle. 40-ish pounds later, my skin is clearer, my hair and nails are growing faster, my period is more bearable, my blood pressure is normal and I’m able to tackle life’s problems with more confidence; not because of my looks but because I set a goal and was able to accomplish it. I am proud and will be on the social medias celebrating and not apologizing.

Which brings me to my next point; your triggers are your responsibility. You have the freedom to choose what you will be exposed to. To protect your energy, you should be very intentional about what comes across your screen. For my sanity, I do not watch videos of cops harassing/killing Black and Brown people. I rarely read stories about children being abused. I took a 5 month break off of Facebook after Surviving R.Kelly. I have my own father blocked. I don’t have the right to tell people what they can and cannot post. I only have the right to refuse to be exposed to it and enthusiastically unfollow, block and delete.

In conclusion, if weight wasn’t a factor in health, we wouldn’t lose it when we started making healthier choices. Our bodies are made to carry a certain amount of weight, period. Our organs struggle to function when surrounded by too much weight. I am an activist passionate about the freedom of my people and that includes our physical health too. I’ve lost many family members to diabetes and heart disease. As long as I’m walking by caskets and visiting hospitals about problems that could be solved with lifestyle changes, I’m not going to be quiet about health to appease anyone. Any movement that makes anyone feel guilty for losing weight is not a movement at all, it’s a group of mean girls.

Fuck my weight loss pictures?
Fuck you.

-C

 

 

If you’re pro-life, you’re full of… : A Rant on the Latest Abortion Legislation

I’m about to rant and there will be cuss words.

Last week, Alabama set us back a hundred years and (25 red necks republican men) passed the most restrictive abortion ban in the country. The WOMAN governor signed bill last week. Since we now have a very conservative leaning supreme court, state legislatures have made it clear that Roe v. Wade is under attack.

Under the bullshit bill, abortion would be a felony. Doctors who perform them would face up to 99 years in prison. There are NO exceptions for rape or incest.

Alabama is on a growing list of states with ‘6-week’ bills. Georgia, Ohio, Mississippi, Iowa, North Dakota and my old Kentucky home have all banned abortions post 6 weeks. Pro-bullshit groups call these “heartbeat” bills because they ban abortions once a heartbeat is detected which is usually in the embryonic stage at 6 weeks. This is severely restrictive because 6 weeks is only 2 weeks after a missed period and most people find out they’re pregnant around 8-12 weeks. These bans leave a very small window of time to one, find out you’re pregnant and 2, have the procedure done. Presently, abortions are legal up to around 24 weeks.

The goal of this legislation to establish a fetus as a person.
If a fetus is a person:
Does child support start at conception?
Does maternity leave start at conception.
Is an ultrasound child p-rnography?
Do pregnant people get to vote twice?
Is your birthday now when parents fu.. conceived you?

Fetuses are not people. They do not have legal rights. At 6 weeks, a fetus is literally a parasite. I have a garden. My seeds were not food when they were put in the ground a month and a half ago.

Moreover, these laws set a very dangerous precedent. In Ohio, there is a pregnant 11 year old rape victim who under the law would be required to carry her 26 year old rapist’s baby. Is anybody else’s mind blown but mine? The doctor who would perform the abortion would probably get more jail time than the 26 year old man who raped an 11 year old girl!

The pro-life vs. pro-choice debate has in my opinion always been a waste of time. At the end of the day, if a stranger I have no connection to decides to make a personal choice about their own body, how is my life affected?

Pro-Lifers are full of shit. Here’s why I think so. 

People enjoy being passionate and outraged about issues they don’t really have any control over so they won’t be in danger of actually doing anything. I have never met a pro-lifer who adopted or fostered children. Pro-lifers sit at the same table with those outraged about Colin Kaepernick kneeling because of ‘the troops’ but who keep voting for lawmakers who consistently vote against the best interest of veterans. Their outrage is very selective. When it comes to symbolism, like standing for the national anthem or sticking a ‘pro-life’ sticker on their Subaru they participate. But when it comes to substance, like holding politicians accountable and adopting/fostering those children they really want to be born, they are absent.

Likewise, Pro-Life is one of the tenants of what it means to be a political conservative. Republicans are passionate about the government not playing a large role in people’s lives while simultaneously inserting laws into women’s wombs. Offering legislation and ideals for my reproductive system is REAL involved, guys.  They also favor less government spending on social programs. So if you don’t get an abortion? Great. But when your child needs healthcare, food and education? LOL.

Second, Pro-Life is a largely Catholic ideal (Yes, I’m going there). How do you reconcile being ‘Pro-life’ but doing nothing when priests rape children for decades on an international scale? You’re so concerned about them being born but not so concerned about millions of them being raped for years? That does not add up.

Furthermore, the reality is, 100% of pregnancies are a result of men’s orgasms. So if we want children to be born into the best conditions possible, we need to address men’s bodies not women. Women can only make a baby every 9 months. Men can make a child every day. Why are their bodies not subject to legislation? As I’ve said before, Alyssa Milano is full of shit but I don’t think a sex strike is such a bad idea. Until women can decide what they want to do to their bodies, they should stay away from sperm. (I know y’all hoes ain’t gon do that though so here’s an article on other ways you can help women subject to extreme abortion bans.)

I have never been pregnant. So I’ve never had to grapple with the choice of carrying a child or not. But I deserve the choice and so do all women. The only people who should discuss a woman’s health care are that woman and her doctor. Period. It is a waste of time and energy for men who will never have to make such a decision to even have an opinion. There are PLENTY of issues legislatures need to address. Abortion had ALREADY been addressed almost 50 years ago.

Ultimately, no one can take away a woman’s choice. If a woman wants to get an abortion, she can get one. Women were getting abortions before Roe vs. Wade in 1973 and they will continue to do so after restrictive legislation in 2019. The problem is how dangerous the procedure will become once it is illegal. If the government can provide needle exchange programs to keep addicts safe, it should provide abortions for women to keep them safe. We can all agree you probably shouldn’t shoot heroin or opiates in your veins right? Does that mean we shouldn’t provide clean needles? Likewise the fact that some of us don’t believe in abortion should not mean that people who DO believe in it should not have access to it.

Lastly, (cause I know someone is going to ‘aint-you-a-Christian?’ me) as a believer, I do not see a biblical basis for being pro-life. My Bible says to ‘do justice, love mercy and to walk humbly’. (Micah 6:8) Taking away a woman’s choice is an injustice I will continue to speak out about even against my siblings in Christ. If an abortion is a sin, the same God who shows YOU mercy in spite of your sins, will show her mercy. Right? Christians must stop using the Bible as an excuse to mistreat, judge and put people in danger of not receiving the best healthcare possible. A woman or girl getting a dangerous back-alley abortion and dying from it will not make the Christian in me feel better.

If you don’t believe in abortion, don’t get one. 

Let me get my red robe and white bonnet ready…

Thank you so much for reading, supporting, kind words and sharing. Follow me on IG/Snap/Twitter at @CarrieKeepPushn. (I’m on a social media fast for the next week, but I’ll be back to shenanigans soon!)

– C

Commentary on Demetra Nyx & Alyssa Milano: White People Don’t Have Enough Problems.

White people don’t enough problems. As a result, they tend to create dangerous situations and faux-oppression for themselves.

A few weeks ago, my mother and I were on our way home. It was 10pm and cold outside. A white woman was running down the street, presumably for exercise. Of course, we had the ‘white people are white-people-ing’ conversation. Why in hell, are you running in the dark and cold? You’re less than a mile away from a treadmill inside a well-lit gym, Karen.

During undergrad, I remember sitting in a meeting of a certain organization listening to a white woman proclaim how much she enjoyed her period. I thought to myself, hoping it didn’t show on my face, “you’re outta your white ass mind.” 

White people don’t have enough to do.
White people don’t enough problems. As a result, they tend to create dangerous situations and faux-oppression for themselves.

From climbing a mountain with no harness, to bungee jumping, surfing, hang gliding, to running outside in the dark and then crying on 20/20, white people obviously have an adrenaline deficiency they’re trying to fulfill. None of the above activities seem reasonable or fun to my Black ass. My experience is different though. I have no shortage of adrenaline. I know this whole thing could end any time if for no other reason I’m at the intersection of Black, Woman and Queer. I look at every cop with the knowledge he could kill me and get away with it. I look at every white woman wondering if she’s going to call the police on me for exhaling too loud. I have no shortage of fear and problems.

Since the tangerine tyrant won the Presidential election over HRC, social justice is now mainstream. It’s laughable to me as social justice has been at the forefront of my mind since The Jena 6. Activism is my goal and calling. I’m tired of seeing people hopping on the bandwagon for 15 minutes.
 
White people WANT to be oppressed so bad. I do not label myself a feminist in part because at its inception white women were just trying to make sure Black men didn’t have more rights than them. There were no Black women at Seneca Falls. White women remind me every election that feminism is not mine when they put their ‘I voted’ stickers on Susan B. Anthony’s grave. Fuck Susan B. Anthony.
 

 

At the time I’m writing this, I’m 2 months into a Facebook hiatus (for my mental health, weight loss goals and my dislike of people). I peak at Twitter every now and again. But after these posts, I’m considering going back to being blissfully unplugged. The two people in particular facilitating my complete exit from digital civilization are Demetra Nyx and Alyssa Milano.

Let’s talk about Demetra first to get it out of the way cause I’m grossed out. An article entitled ‘Feminist Smears Menstrual Blood on Her Face to Show Periods are Beautiful and Powerful’ scurried across my timeline. Demetra is a 26-year-old Los Angeles sex coach who said, “Sharing pictures of blood on my face and body was just an impulse – I was creating a series to help women connect with their menstrual cycle, and I thought it would be fun.”

Cut the shit, Demetra. Our periods are not fun or beautiful.

As someone with a period, I’m fully ‘connected’ to this 28-ish day cycle. Physically, mentally and emotionally for nearly two decades, I know exactly when and what’s going on concerning my cycle. There is no more intense connection then cramps, bleeding, an irrational chocolate craving, acne, fatigue and a hurricane of a mood. I deserve some type of monthly award for managing to not get pregnant every month instead of this shit.

I realize that not everybody’s period is as bad as mine but I think we do ourselves a disservice when we try to make this cycle something its not. Frankly, it sucks for a lot of women. It is not fun, it is anything but beautiful. We don’t frolic in Lilly fields wearing white pants giving thanks that we get to bleed for a week.

 
The 20 year old me felt very alienated sitting in that circle of white woman gushing over having a period. The (almost) 30 year old me is not going to fake the funk anymore. My period is not fun. It sucks. I do not have to enjoy everything. Somethings in life are bad. I will not want to share everything on Instagram and that’s OK.
 
We also need to address that ‘free bleeding’ (a hoax) , rubbing your Menstrual blood on your body and using it for paint is disgusting, unsanitary and blood STINKS when it hits the air. I’m no expert, but its leaving our bodies for a reason. It is a natural process, yes. Our bodies have many ways to eject what is no longer needed. That is no excuse to rub the results on your face. If we aren’t going to use tampons/cups/pads, what use do we have for band-aids and toilets? Why bathe at all?! Its all natural, ain’t it?
 
*shudder*
 
There IS a conversation that needs to be had around menstruation.
&
 
 

The second white woman we’re going to discuss is Alyssa Milano. This morning, I saw this tweet:

 
Gtfoh. You’re Alyssa fucking Milano. You are a rich, cishet white woman. 
 
I would be lying if I said I was surprised by Alyssa’s latest antics. Two years ago my auntie-in-my-mind Hannah Drake told Milano to stop her performative justice. It seems she still hasn’t learned.

Oppression and identities are not a trendy T-shirt, pink hat or, God forbid blood to put on when it’s convenient. The very fact that your brand of oppression can be taken off, proves that it is not oppression at all. We do not have the option or convenience of taking our identities off. This intersection of identities is not one that we can get on a plane, train or automobile to take a vacation from. Believe me, we would if we could.

In this social justice production, your role as a person of with a certain amount of privilege: a white person in this case is an important one. Justice does not happen without advocates. The progress we have made would not be possible without allies. There are people who will NEVER listen to someone like me. Those same people will definitely listen to the Alyssas and Demetras of the world if for no other reason for the fact that they are pretty white women. Unfortunately, more often than not, those people are the very ones with the power to change. I am not holding my breath waiting on Alyssa or Demetra to be allies or advocates though. Their actions have told me what their true goal is.

When Alyssa Milano claims identities that are not her own, when Demtra Nyx… gosh I can’t even say it… uses her menstrual blood as paint, they are doing NOTHING but centering themselves. They are not being revolutionary. They are not cultivating progressive conversations. They are not leading a movement. All they are doing is fighting battles that are only real in their mind and frankly stressing me the fuck out.

I’m offended and baffled by fake outrage and fabricated oppression in a world where there is plenty oppression and a myraid of REAL reasons to be outraged. I’m worried that Demetra’s antics will take attention off of the student whose male-teacher won’t let her go to the bathroom when she starts bleeding, or the inmate or homeless person that has to put their health in jeopardy by using toilet paper as make-shift tampons.

 
I’m worried that Alyssa Milano claiming she’s ‘trans’ will distract from the fact that transwomen of color have a life expectancy of 35, that when she says she’s a ‘person of color’ she’s taking attention from the fact that the cops who murdered Stephon Clark won’t even be charged.
 
Social justice is real. The fight is an uphill battle. We do not need the distractions. Alyssa and Demetra, get out of the way. Wipe your face off and rest those twitter fingers. You look silly.
 

And while your practicing your hush, here’s a Guide to Allyship.

Keep Pushin’

– CAGW

 

“Mouthy Female”

I’ve always been bold. I have moments where I look back and think “I can’t believe I just said that.” More often my thoughtful moments are “Why won’t anybody say anything?” A good friend of mine tells me I have “no filter.” I think he may be right. For me, the need for the truth to be put out there always outweighs the need to keep the peace. Peace is overrated. 

For the sake of my own mental health, I’ve made a conscious effort to stay out of controversy on Facebook. I’ve challenged myself to use that ‘backspace’ on my keyboard and keep on scrolling. I’ve ended arguments with “Be blessed!” and I’ve unfriended and blocked some people. I’ve prayed for people instead of writing a think piece in the ‘reply’. I can’t save everybody. Jesus saved half the people on Calvary, Harriet left plenty of slaves on the plantation. Everybody ain’t going to Canaan. Some will be left behind. 

I think I backslid Wednesday though. There’s one Facebook friend I’ve decided to keep around (against my better judgement). I don’t want to delete everyone I disagree with. One, I’d have no friends and two, I must become mature enough to disagree with people and not ruin the friendship right?

He’s a Black man in his 60s and expresses the vilest opinions on women. He’s one of them ‘lady vs. ho’ niggas. He defended Brett Kavanaugh like he was getting paid. He said Stacey Abrams wasn’t ready. I keep telling him he can use a lot less words to say ‘I hate women, especially Black women.” 

I know I’m supposed to ‘respect my elders’. He’s the same age as my parents. But I believe at times we use that as an excuse to just let old people say anything to us just because they managed not to die yet. At some point, I’m a grown ass woman and adult to adult, you really don’t want this smoke. 

His sentiments on Stacey Abrams, my fierce opposition and his response is what led to this comment.

“Mouthy Females” sent me. I hollered. That’s what hit dogs do after all.

I HATE being called a female. I hate that people use ‘female’ to describe women. Female is an adjective, not a noun. I am female. I’m not a female. I’m a woman. “Female what? Lizard?” is what I always say. Female is the new ‘bitch’. After you call me a female, I’m done listening. But what good would it have been using my energy telling ‘Shady Pines’ why he shouldn’t call me a female? One, I know a few 60+ year old Black people. They ain’t changing. Two, I knew my Facebook friends would let him have it. 

“MOUTHY FEMALES? REALLY.?!” was the theme of the responses. It was too funny to offend me though. So to calm down my friends (who I so appreciate for defending me) I jokingly commented. “I’m putting ‘mouthy female’ on a shirt. That’s golden.” I was joking. I was jussplayin. But then I kept getting messages asking to buy one.

Here’s where I tell you to like HunnyChile, my (and my mother’s) T-Shirt company on Facebook and visit our website.

I designed a ‘Mouthy Female’ shirt as a reclamation. It was meant to be derogatory, meant to hurt my feelings. But like “Nasty Woman”, like the N word. I’m taking it back.

I wouldn’t be described as ‘mouthy’ if I was a man. In the past I have tried not to be mouthy because I was afraid of what men would think of me. I had to stop auditioning to be the wife of every man I came across. I have to speak up for what is right. I have to tell men why they were wrong or to keep their hands to themselves because no one else would. I had to be mouthy.

I have to be a ‘mouthy female’ for some shy little girl who needs to know that it is OK and necessary that she speak up. 

I was a shy little girl. My mom, aunts, Stacey Abrams, Maxine Waters, April Ryan and countless other women were/are those ‘mouthy females’ for me. In times such as these, it is necessary for females, women, femmes to be Mouthy.

If you want one and to support your favorite mouthy female, order a “Mouthy Female” shirt in white or black, while supplies last. Most importantly, keep being mouthy!

– Carrie 




#ChurchHurt

[Disclaimer: I’m talking to and about Christians.]

Songs like “I’m Available to You” are cute and nice to sing… until God gives you an assignment you don’t want. I don’t want to write about church hurt. But here we are.

Last week frustrated with the actions of church folk (again), driving home I proclaim, “of all [redacted] places, I shouldn’t have to leave CHURCH feeling like this!”

There is no hurt like church hurt. The worst [emotionally. mentally. sexually] abuse I’ve been subject too has been at God’s house by God’s people. I know church hurt. So after  yall read this don’t come at me like “YoU dOnT kNoW wHaT iTs LiKe!!!” I do.

Can I keep it real?!

Some (not all, a portion, a few, a bit) of yall are full of shit.
Some of yall just don’t want to go to church. Its understandable. I don’t want to go often either. People don’t want to go to church because it is hard to be held accountable.

The pastor preaching about sin, its consequences and how God feels about it is not ‘church hurt’. It’s the truth. They may have mentioned your sin in their sermon. They don’t know your life unless you told ’em.

(This lady in church used to yell “You in my business!” during the sermon when she felt it. LOL)

For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. [Hebrews 4:12, NLT]

Every Sermon ain’t supposed to make you shout. Some are supposed to make you grieve. Some Sundays we should leave church saying ‘WOE IS ME!’ If your pastor has never stepped on your toes or preached ‘on your row’, get you a new one.

We want to come to church, sing “Today will be the best day of my life”, spin around 3 times for a breakthrough, sew a seed of $20 so we can become a millionaire and be told there’s a champion in us. We want to be lied to. It feels better.

Joel Osteen is lying. Calvary WAS the breakthrough, you may be broke forever and in this life there will be trouble. [John 16:33]

Can I keep it 100?!

I’m talking to and about people who have professed Christ as their Lord and Savior and have stopped going to church because they got hurt. You are capable of forgiving hurt. You’re even capable of tolerating it. People hurt you at the club, grocery store, your job, the gym and you haven’t stopped going. Your Baby’s momma or daddy hurts you often but you still climb in bed with them.

If you allow being hurt to keep you from church, you have made an idol out of the hurt. I wish it didn’t say it but right there in Hebrews it says don’t forsake the assembly. God inspired Moses to write that because He KNEW how church nig… I mean ‘the saints’ can be. They are insufferable. But so are you. You have hurt people. I saw some people who are straight up terrorists talking about church hurt. I’m not buying it.

I think (not sure) this conversation was sparked by LeAndria Johnson’s rant. I’m a big fan of LeAndria’s singing but she’s trippin. She’s mad at somebody who didn’t recognize her while she was sitting in a chair getting hair and make-up done. Now, the girls put on a LOT of hair and make-up so you may have just been unrecognizable. The ‘before’ and ‘after’ are day and night. Or.. they could’ve just not been paying attention. My grandaddy/pastor used to say ‘You’re just not that important.’

If somebody hurt you, before you go on FB Live, address the person one on one (that’s in the Bible too), face to face and explain how they hurt your feelings. Le’Andria gets praised for “keeping it real”, but ranting about your hurt on Jesus’ internet is passive aggressive and she’s too old and too gifted to be acting that way. Le’Andria needs to see a therapist and yall stop booking her until she does. LOL

Furthermore, against the shadow of the cross, in my mind I could not justify people who are sinners just like me keeping me from church. Crucifixion hurts worse than anything church folk can do to you. He chose to hurt for me, He chooses to forgive my sins daily because of it. Surely I can forgive people. Surely I can find a church and a pastor for me.

As a Christian, you need a church. Free agents don’t play until they get on teams. Nobody refuses to go to the hospital because of sick people. We all need to see the doctor.

This all may sound insensitive. It is not my intention. But I’m not going to sugar coat or coddle grown ups either. I didn’t go to church for awhile. I didn’t WANT to go longer than that. So if you aren’t going. I get it. I ain’t mad atcha. I recognize that everybody ain’t where I am and it’s taken me a WHILE to come to this realization.

Those of you dealing with church hurt, I am so sorry. Please find the most healthy way to address it and get your ass…. i mean, find yourself back in church. How do you deal with it? Idk. LOL. It may mean finding another congregation, it may mean showing up when you don’t want to, it definitely means LOTS OF PRAYER. Pray for a heart to forgive. Pray for whoever hurt you. Pray for the Pastor. Pray when you wanna cuss out a nigga on Sunday morning.  God answers prayers.

*in my Lexi voice* GO TO CHURCH!

Now, I don’t want my perspective to look like it lets the church off the hook. Church hurt IS the church’s fault. 
The church needs to treat people better.
The church needs to stop asking a congregation of poor people to put gas in the pastor’s jet.
The church needs to address sexual abuse, toxic masculinity, patriarchy, generational curses, mental health and MUCH more.
The church needs more leaders who are called by God (then TRAINED) and not self-proclaimed.
The church needs a smoking section. The church needs a concession stand. 
The church should change the neighborhood.
The church needs to make social justice a priority.
Elders of the church need to know when to RETIRE and make way for the next generation. The next generation needs to listen to the elders with open ears and open hearts.
We need to make church a priority and not a ‘maybe’ on the weekend.

Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk. If you’re dealing with church hurt and need somebody to talk to, I am here. If you mad and want to cuss me out, I promise you don’t want this smoke! LOL. Bless your heart and all your parts. Like CarrieAmanda on Facebook. Comment or hit me up and let me know you readin! Thank you!

– CGW

 

What’s wrong with white men?!

29138219_10214022411253215_1604364373_n“He was polite, a deep thinker…”
“… a very challenged young man”
“seemed like a smart kid who showed a lot of promise”
“he came from a tight-knit, godly family”

These quotes describe Mark Anthony Conditt, the 23 year old white guy who before blowing himself up carried out terrorist attacks via bombs in FedEx packages for the better part of a month in Austin, TX. These attacks resulted in the murders of Anthony House and Draylen Mason (both Black men) as well as the injuring others.

You’re familiar with the adage from James Baldwin “To be Negro in this country and … conscious is to be in a constant state of rage.” I don’t want to be in a constant state of rage and constantly try to avoid it by choosing my battles, but I’m going to have to choose this one. I hear the conversations around gun control, mental health and bullying but nobody is going to say it so I will.

White men are the problem.

In my Tonald Drump voice, we gotta figure out what the hell is wrong with white men?

Not only are white men the problem, the media constantly bends itself into a pretzel to humanize even the worst of them.

In the trend of white men going ape shit, the cops and politicians (IF they say anything) are always very careful to NOT say its terrorism or a hate crime. I call bullshit. The current cultural connotation of the word terrorism is brown and Muslim. According to the dictionary terrorism is violence in the pursuit of political aims.

2016’s  New York bomb was called terrorism. A Muslim with a name we can’t pronounce from a country we can’t point to on a map carried out an attack in the name of ISIS. We can all agree that’s terrorism and those with the microphones were quick to call it terrorism even BEFORE they had any evidence of it.

When I was reading the article about the latest white male terrorist, I thought I was reading the obituary of a victim and not the attacker. He was “polite”, “a deep thinker”, had “many challenges”. Why do those that control the narrative try so hard to humanize White men no matter what they do; while at the same time trying to harden and criminalize Black victims? White supremacy is the short answer.

The foundation of the United States of America is white supremacy. It was colonized by white men who carried out a genocide of brown and red people, then enslaved Black people to build it. America would not be what it is economically or culturally had it not been for white supremacy. Once America addresses and admits its original sin, she can begin to atone for it. Until then, we going straight to hell and I’m calling everyone out. You can’t whoop me.

I have it better than my ancestors and for that I’m thankful. I’ve never had to look for the colored section of anything but, white supremacy still affects us, its just a different flavor.

The 2018 version of white supremacy isn’t white robes and ropes hanging from trees, it’s the media painting Stephen Paddock who killed 50 people “enjoyed country music and lived a quiet life.”

It says of Nikolas Cruz who walked in his alma mater and shot 33 innocent people that he was ‘lost and lonely’

The guy that drove into a crowd of peaceful protesters? James Feilds, Jr. “had trouble making friends”, was a “very quiet little boy”.

180323143839-02-stephon-clark-family-exlarge-169On the other hand, Trayvon Martin a teenager murdered for no reason was called a ‘thug’ because he had on a hoodie on a cold rainy night.

2018’s white supremacy murders Jordan Davis because he was playing ‘thug music’ and then goes home and orders a pizza. It insists Eric Garner died of a heart attack after being choked to death and saying “I can’t breath.” 11 times. Stephon Clark was holding a fucking cell phone in his grandmomma’s back yard and shot at 20 times.

According to Vox, since ole boy took office, more Americans have been murdered by white men than by Muslim men. As a matter of fact, since 9/11, more Americans have been killed by homegrown right-wing terrorists than Muslim ones. I’m not denying that there are Muslim extremist groups that are a threat and we should probably keep one eye on them, but I am arguing that as American citizens we are more likely to be killed by a Christian white dude so we need to vet them too. But we know white supremacy isn’t rooted in logic.

In my opinion, we need to take a serious look at the psychology of the American white (straight, cis) white man and figure out why there is a different mass shooting/bombing every week. The rest of us do not go on killing sprees because of life’s circumstances. Did nobody teach white men to deal with inconvenience? We can talk about mental health and gun control, but we have to talk about white men if we want to stop mass shootings and bombings.

I’m mentally ill and that’s putting it nicely. I’m NUTS. I was bullied about my hair. My father couldn’t be bothered. I never felt an urge to kill a bunch of innocent strangers about it. I’m not saying I’d never shoot anybody, I’m just saying if I did, I’d have a reason. I’m trying to figure out what is it about the white male experience that makes him lose his marbles at experiences that are regular to the rest of us. Why kill a bunch of innocent strangers?

Furthermore, why don’t the people around him see that he’s a terrorist? There are people in my life that if they did something I’d be like “oh yea, they did that shit. guilty as hell. been crazy since they were born.” (I ain’t no snitch though) You mean to tell me that NOBODY around these terrorists saw it coming? There’s a FEW people in my life I make sure don’t have access to guns and explosives.

What if Black women went on killing sprees every time they were bullied?! What if Black women had time to make bombs?

In my humble opinion, I think that white men are used to being on top in every aspect of society. They are teaching their sons that they are special if for no other reasons than they are white men and the world is changing. We like to say that racism is over. But the guys that are carrying out these terrorist attacks are 20 something millennials whose parents been lying to them.

They must come to terms with being a white man isn’t enough anymore and that white mediocrity won’t always win. We had a Black president, a woman almost became one so they had to go get the poster child for white mediocrity and elect him. He’s racist, sexist, an all around buffoon and has emboldened mediocre white men everywhere. We in danger, yall.

In conclusion, I’m not a mental health expert… This is just my theory. I wish I could spend my energy on something else (listening to Snoop’s Gospel album) but I like going to church and the movies and don’t want to get shot. I live in Kentucky, issa lotta white men here. I got to be vigilant. A relative and I were at Hobby Lobby and this white man reaches into his coat (for what we later figured out were his car keys), and we paused and grabbed each other.

White men are the issue this time. I’ve had to take on alotta heavy loads for ALL Black women (and Black people at times) so I’m glad to give something to white men. White men are the issue. They are the domestic terrorists. They are the reason ole boy is in office. White men have a permanent spot on my prayer list.

#StopWhiteMen2018

If this blog entry upsets you, remember that you can’t whoop my ass and I only argue on Sundays. Wakanda Forever.

-CGW