Category Archives: Relationships/Sex

Lent Commentary Week 1: Sitting like KellyAnne Conway

Peace, yall. Welcome new followers! Thank you for following! Follow me on twitter and snap at @andcarrieon7 and like my Facebook page CarrieAmanda.

During Lent I’ll post every Wednesday, lets get into it.

I won’t assume everybody knows what Lent is so here’s a brief description. Lent is the 40 days before Easter. It symbolizes Jesus’ 40 day withdrawal into the wilderness.

The purpose of lent for the Christian is self-denial in preparation of the celebration of Christ’s death, burial and resurrection which is Easter.

It’s not just a Catholic holiday as many believe. Many Christian denominations observe lent; Normally by giving up or fasting from something. Use your Googles for more info. This ain’t Wikipedia.

I haven’t observed lent in a few years. It always sneaks up on me and I’ve been too lazy to give up something. It takes effort.

I gave up Facebook, am doing the #BathroomBreakChallenge (word to my friend Imani at christiancontrolfreak.com) and a Lent Bible reading plan. It has already been very rewarding.

Hindsight is 2020 right? I’ve learned that I was relying too much on my job/money, my material possessions, social status/friends and not God. Idol gods aren’t just golden statues. God will take all that away to get your attention. I left my job (money and insurance), lost some people my damn car broke down, and I’m nuts.

God Got me leaning on the everlasting arms, honey. It may not feel like I have much but this Peace I have outweighs all of that.

Since I’m not on Facebook, i get most of my news a little later when I sit down and look so heres my commentary on notable news:

kellyanne, girlKellyAnne was sitting on that couch like a child with no home training. You know how a
little girl isnt used to wearing a dress and you have to tell her “put ya legs down baby”. I had the urge to tell KellyAnne that but she’s a whole entire adult. There ain’t but a FEW reasons to have your leg open this far and this was not one of those occasions.

Ben Carson is another whole entire adult that has life wrong. I am still waiting on Ashton Kutcher to come out on the country and tell us we’re punked. This nigga is a brain surgeon that said the ancestors were “immigrants” that came over on slave ships. If they were immigrants WHY WERE THEY CALLED SLAVE SHIPS. The leader of HUD, yall. Has he ever seen Roots?!? I didn’t know brain surgeons could be THIS stupid. Maybe he’s in the sunken place, him and Kanye. Can we go get them or..? The bar has been lowered tremendously for all things. Now is the time to pursue whatever you want. I’m trying out for the NFL.

Third and final commentary. Yall want Ciara to be miserable so bad. If Ciara had stayed ciarawith Future, was raising Baby Future by herself, getting cheated on, singing sad ass songs and miserable, nobody would have anything to say. She released this gorgeous maternity photo and black ashy twitter is up in arms. Yall mad at Ciara for having the nerve to move on and marry a man that loves her and her son instead of being mad at Future who is nowhere to be found. A miserable black woman is so normal to us, we’re offended when she is happy.

If you don’t want another man in your son’s life, BE THE MAN IN YOUR SONS LIFE, NIGGA. Keep on prospering Ciara. Keep right the hell on.

me daddy mommaI’m so passionate about Ciara because look at this photo to the left. That is baby Carrie. The man holding baby Carrie is not my biological father. But he is my daddy. He married my mom when I was that age and raised me as his own. My biological father still ain’t interested in being a parent. It’s too late anyhow. So F you and your couch if you’re mad at Ciara. She isn’t the one in the wrong.

Note: I know it looks like that’s my brother holding me. LOL The resemblance is uncanny. He wasn’t even born yet. Ah the days of being an only child.

Ok, I think that’s all I got to say. I never know how to end these things.

Till next Wednesday. Bless your heart and all your parts.

– CAGW

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It doesn’t always feel good.

Obeying God, doing the right thing, doing what’s needed does not always feel good.

A few examples

Bishop Eddie Long passed. As a victim of sexual abuse, I will probably (want to) do the Harlem Shake and running man on the grave of my abuser. But how I feel about my abuser doesn’t matter because neither Heaven or Hell, me or him belong to me. What if I told you that Bishop Eddie Long was in Heaven? Speaking about a believer’s sin after they pass gives the power to the sin and not to Jesus. I feel like I’m defending Bishop Long and it does not FEEL good. Obeying God, being a Christian, Evangelizing… doesn’t always feel good. A believer goes to Heaven. Period. It says WHOSOEVER BELIEVES in my Bible… not whosoever acts right.

Next example, I feel lonely. (I can’t believe I’m sharing this with yall.) I feel isolated from my friends and family. I’m an introvert but I’m bit of a social butterfly at times. For whatever reason I cannot get anybody closer than arm’s length right now.. All I keep hearing is ‘focus on yourself’ when I pray. Working on Carrie is the best thing to do right now but it does not FEEL GOOD!

Third example, I decided to not give my biological father the opportunity to disappoint me any further. He does not have the heart to be a parent and I don’t chase grown ass people. He has me (and my mom) blocked on Facebook (lol) and he didn’t get my new number when I changed it recently. That doesn’t just not feel good. It feels horrible. The dude that made me doesn’t want to parent me? It’s so tragic its funny. (More on that later, that’s a good story)

Final example, I left my corporate job. I did the right thing. I went to school, got a degree (BARELY) and a nice job.. and that did not feel good. I was very unhappy.  I had a mental breakdown as a result of doing what I THOUGHT was right. After I left my job, I lost my insurance and of course that paycheck. I was broke and could not afford the care I needed (still can’t).

But in the midst of doing what was right and not what felt good I found peace. I felt better the MINUTE I made the decision I wasn’t going back to that job. I realized that I should not be sitting at a desk working for somebody. I am an artist. I’m a hustler. In the midst of this revelation, my mom and I started a T-Shirt Company: HunnTees. I started driving for Postmates and have a few more projects in the works. I am broke (for now). I have no insurance (for now) but I am at peace. I am not miserable. I haven’t been able to say that since July.

So, my advice to you is that I know it doesn’t feel good. But keep going because it does not stay that way. Doing what is hard builds character and perseverance. There’s no getting better without suffering. Count it joy! #ThatsBible

-Carrie

 

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Miles and Milan of Love and Hip Hop Hollywood: Out in Hip Hop!

I got on twitter last Monday and was intrigued by a conversation about somebody coming out on some TV Show. So I asked my followers, “What are yall watching?”. My homegirl told me Love and Hip Hop Hollywood.

I don’t watch too much TV during the week. I only watch Empire, Scandal and HTGAWM on the nights they come on. I used to watch LHHATL because Joseline Hernandez gives me all of my life, but I even grew out of her and Steebie.

People keep asking me about this episode and this rapper coming out. So.. Here’s the blog.

miles and amberAfter some research I deduced that aspiring rapper Miles Brock came out to his (ex?) girlfriend Amber and is dating Milan Christopher.

First I watched the “Out and Hip-Hop” special hosted by TJ Holmes. Then, I watched the episode of Miles coming out. I am so happy that homophobia in Hip-Hop, the church and largely black culture is being addressed. Mona Scott-Young did SOMETHING right chile, sometimes I think she’s trying to destroy us (black people) with these shows.

It has always been so interesting to me how masculine, homophobic and hyper sexual hip-hop culture can be while ALSO being very homo-erotic. Many a rapper’s music video has a bunch of men standing around shirtless or in tank tops without a woman in sight. I’ve been to many local hip hop shows. There are always 10 men for every woman. A sausage fest, honey.

Also, I find it interesting that they had Pastor Jamal Bryant on the show addressing sexuality. After all, he did cheat on his wife and almost lose his church so he’s probably not the one to address sexual sin. Maybe him and Mona are friends *shrugs* out in hip hop

Moving on…

After I watched the Out in Hip-Hop special, I watched the episode where Miles Brock comes out to Amber. My first thought: Amber sitting on a couch with THIS young lady and does not know that he’s gay? Chiiile he was FEESH. (Disclaimer: in no way does someone’s gender expression coincide with their sexual preference but I know a gay man when I see one 87% of the time, honey. Idc idc idc)

Second thought: Amber’s reaction was waayyy over the top. She acted like somebody had told her that her puppy had been ran over or something, acted completely blind-sided. Girl Bye. Everybody been telling yall he gay since High School. Amber knew he was gay, she just thought her vagina was golden and she could ‘cure’ him. They probably be doing each others eyebrows…

miles milanNow, Miles and Milan’s relationship is breaking new ground and looking back they probably will be seen as pioneers but let me say this. Miles lied to Amber and that isn’t a heroic quality We have got to cultivate a society that makes it easier for black men in particular to come out of the closet and be up front about their sexual preferences. If I was with a man who was sucking dxck and then coming home and kissing me in the mouth, I’d want to know. (Likewise, if he was eating somebody else’s kitty kat) like give me a choice about my body. I’m with you. But you’re making choices for me if you’re with somebody else while you’re with me and that isn’t fair.

If you love somebody, they deserve a choice. Keep it 100. Man up. If you’re having sex with me, I need to know who else you having sex with. You ain’t about to bring home no ebola or tuberculosis in my bed without my knowledge, that’s not cute. (I know those aren’t sexually transmitted diseases, don’t be in my inbox trying to educate me on STD’s. Not my area of expertise.. click clank) I figure if you’re sneaking around with a man, he’s probably ALSO sneaking around and might have a woman or women as well. That’s AT LEAST 2 more bodies. Then who else is his woman sleeping with? Feel me? That’s ALOT of transactions.

Also, I find it interesting that Milan admitted he was insecure about Miles’ bisexuality. The bisexuality phenomenon is interesting isn’t it? To gay to be straight, to straight to be gay. Openly bisexual people are brave to me. I think MOST people are bisexual they just chose a side so they won’t be ostracized.

It’s almost like people think bisexual equals promiscuous or liar. Chile, it’s plenty straight/gay people that are cheating. You should want somebody honest. Now Milan, Miles doesn’t seem to have a good track record on honesty so far but that’s because he’s a liar, not because he’s bisexual. Again, lets cultivate a society that makes it easier for people to be 100 about who they are. Hip-Hop values authenticity right?

Other notes on the show

Why is that pretty girl with Soulja Boy? He got a tattoo between his eyebrows and a safari hat on inside. He obviously does not make good decisions.

And who is this guy with this unfortunate teeth throwing his ring away at this beautiful woman and why she kissing him.. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Did she throw up in this store and throw it at somebody? I would’ve blew up the whole city block. I would’ve mailed her head to her great auntie. GROSS.

Yall about to have me watching these coons every Monday. Ugh. So scripted. So ENTERTAINING! So guilty*Hits DVR*

Thus are my thoughts so far. I’ll get to Miles’ sisters and how I think this ALL affects artistry later on this week.

Peace!

 

 

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Purity Certificate: Vagina Carfax

I’m about to start charging yall for these blogs.

Yall always put me in a position to talk bad about fellow negros and fellow Christians.

brebowmanLast weekend, news broke that a young lady in Maryland presented her father with a ‘Certificate of Purity’ at her wedding. The certificate was from her gyno saying that her ‘hymen was still in tact’. Brelyn Freeman now Bowman is pictured posing with the Vagina Carfax Purity Certificate with her dad Pastor Mike Freeman. (He cute ain’t he a little..)

I feel the need to explain my perspective before I discuss my thoughts on this practice. I was raised by a single mother. She taught me that my body parts were MINE. She also taught me to wait until marriage. So I get that. I promise I do, I believe it’s the best practice. Sex is an exchange of spiritual energy that you should not exchange with everybody. We use it like a sport. I think that’s disgusting. The bible teaches us about how to treat our bodies. They are temples, don’t let errbody in chile. 1 Corinthians 6:20

[[#BibleStudy is short this blog because I have another one on deck as well. IDK who told yall to request 2 in a week. ]]

Let me first say hats off to Tim and Brelyn Bowman for staying virgins until they wed. (Tim did announce on Good Morning America that he too remained a virgin.. they also said they wasn’t virgins no mo.. yaassssss) I hope that many other young people look at them and decide to click clank. They are a beautiful couple too. She’ll be pregnant in 3 months tops yall.brebowman2

Here’s where I find the practice problematic.

First Problem

Brelyn’s hymen at no point is her own. She gave it to her daddy at 13. Then a man had to check and make sure it was still in tact, and then she gave it to her husband when she got married. As somebody with a vagina who suffers Eve’s painful consequences every 28 days, I’ll be DAMN if I’ll be gathering Carfax on my hymen to ANYBODY.

We as black people and Christians put all these boarders on women and their sexuality. What goes on in a teenage girls mind when she’s told that what’s between her own legs doesn’t belong to her?

AND AND AND

(I’m assuming) Tim didn’t make a covenant with his mother at 13 to keep his wee wee in his pants until he got married… and there is no test for a virgin penis is there? Tim’s penis has always been his own. Likewise I beliveBre’s vagina/hymen should always be her own.

Second Problem

As a result of some late ass cultural standards, Bre’s husband, Tim didn’t feel the need to present CarFax on his penis to his mother. Yall know I HATE that double standard. I wish we taught our young men to be as pure and chaste as we teach girls. Contrary to popular belief, the penis and the brain ARE connected and we sell our young men short by letting them think that it’s impossible for them to remain virgins, be pure and say ‘No’ to sex.

I could go soooo much deeper into the double standard but for the purpose of time/space and my laziness.

Third Problem

A hymen that’s in tact doth not a virgin make, necessarily. A number of things can break your hymen, a tampon, a bicycle, a pap smear. Also, a penis/intercourse may not necessarily break it. It IS pretty elastic, made out of the same thing a vagina is, so if a baby can come through it and not completely wreck shop, the hymen can take a beating as well.

Also, just because you have your hymen doesn’t mean you’ve treated your body as a temple. Anal sex and oral sex don’t do anything to a hymen. Plenty of yall got a hymen, but ya MOUF…

Fourth Problem

brebowman3The bible says ‘Present your bodies a living sacrifice unto God’ (Romans 12). It doesn’t say present your body… to your daddy..to your husband.. or to Instagram. I don’t know Brelyn from any young lady on the street and I could’ve been just fine with out knowing that her hymen hasn’t been broken. God knows all and sees all. That certificate was not for God. That was for Brelyn and her Daddy. What’s God gonna do with a certificate? God isn’t impressed by that. If you’re living a life that’s pleasing unto God, you don’t have to put it on Instagram. Brelyn should’ve just put that picture up and simply said ‘dancing with my daddy at my wedding. Praise the Lordt.’

Fifth Problem

That was none of our business. We live in a culture of over-sharing. Yall invite people into your bedrooms and draws and then got the nerve to tell people get out your business.. Girl, you invited me in! I’m going to have commentary 97% of the time. If you don’t want me to talk about it, don’t put it on the world wide internets.

Same goes for Terry Crews and his wife. I just didn’t want to know they went on a sex fast. When I get married, the only sex fast I’m going on is to get Gatorade, chile.

Thus are my thoughts on the vagina carfax.

“Don’t be offended this is all my opinion ain’tnothing that I’m saying law…”

*Strums Geetar*

Thank you for reading, feel free to comment and share. Be respectful.

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Kim ain’t Shadrach, Meshach OR Abednego

Now, yall know my blog has a strict white woman policy and I had to skip Rachel Dolezal and Caitlyn Jenner but I’m going to have to talk about Kim Davis because among other reasons she’s from my state. Between Catfish, UK Fans and Kim – Kentucky looks BAD, chile. I offer my perspective on this situation to show that we ain’t ALL bad in Kentucky and the commonwealth isn’t completely Godforsaken.

Kim Davis is the elected clerk of Rowan County, Kentucky. Rowan County is northeastern Kentucky close to the Appalachian Mountains. The county’s seat is Morehead. Whenever I have visited, I’ve made sure my black ass was back in the city by sunset, feel me? It’s 96% white (literally ONE black family lives there) and one-fourth of the citizens live in poverty.

Following the historic Supreme Court decision in June, she has refused to issue marriage licenses to same-sex (and later heterosexual) couples on the grounds of religion. The District Court and the Court of Appeals ruled that she must issue the licenses, and the Supreme Court declined to hear the matter ‘cause they already made the decision on the issue and they are all 100 so they probably can’t hear anyway.  So the judge put her in jail on contempt of court until she either does her damn jobissues marriage licenses, resigns or is impeached. Five of her six deputy clerks began issuing marriage licenses to everybody the next day. The sixth clerk is Kim’s son Nathan.

She was released because the Judge was ‘satisfied that the office is issuing marriage licenses’ and told Kim not to interfere.

At first I casually paid attention to the case. Here’s when I got mad… (Reason 1 of 3)

I read a tweet that suggested that Kim has been married 4 times. I said ‘now yall lying on Kim’.  So I researched and she has in fact been divorced 3 times.

She divorced husband #1 in 1994, had 2 kids out of wedlock, married Joe in 1996, divorced him in 2006, married #3 in 2007, divorced him the same year and then married Joe again in 2009. Meanwhile, we don’t know who fathered her children.

“It’s a Heaven or Hell” decision Davis said in a statement. If marriage had the power to put us in Heaven or Hell, Kim would surely be on her way to hades on a scholarship. No? My stance is if you’re going to boldly stand up against sin your personal life need not be raggedy.

Kim did not have all these standards for marriage until AFTER she was bussin it wide open for every man in Rowan County so what right does she have to deny a marriage license to 2 women or 2 men who are in a monogamous relationship? David Ermold and David Moore a couple that was denied a marriage license have been together for 17 years.  I think if you stay with somebody that long, you deserve some tax breaks, chile.

“Render unto Cesar the things  that are Ceasar’s and unto God the things that are God’s”

I’ve noticed Christian rhetoric is very centered on forgiveness and grace. Believe me I’m THANKFUL for God’s DAILY forgiveness but I do think that we use that as an excuse not to hold ourselves and each other to a standard in our conduct.

The same Holy Ghost that makes us run, shout, foam at the mouth, speak in tongues and interrupt service when I’m ready to go is the SAME Holy Ghost that daily calls us away from sin.

When I expressed this sentiment on Facebook the other day a friend commented “So you have to be perfect to stand up for Christ… oh ok… didn’t know that” and I hadn’t used the word perfect. I used the word raggedy. LOL.You don’t have to be perfect to stand up for Christ, in fact you have to boast in your imperfection.

In my opinion, Kim Davis denying marriage licenses is in no way pointing people to Christ or showing the love of Christ. All she had to do was resign. If your job interferes with your faith, you may have to step out on that faith, quit your job and trust God to provide for you. Andrew and Peter quit their jobs as fishermen to follow Jesus.

kim davisQuiet as kept, Kim ain’t giving up that $80,000 salary, honey. She don’t love Jesus that much.

Ok here’s the next reason I got mad. (Reason 2 of 3)

After Kim got thrown in the fiery furnace held in contempt of court and put in jail, all these people started screaming persecution and comparing her to biblical heroes like Daniel, Paul and “Rad, Shack and Benny” (word to veggie tales)

Mike Huckabee presidential candidate sensed his inevitable irrelevance found a way to make himself visible in the presidential race again. He visited Kim in the Lion’s Den her jail cell and planned to stage a “Liberty Rally” (whatever the HELL that is) out side of the Carter County detention center where she was in custody. Huckabee’s monkey ass appeared on Fox News and cried that this case is “further proof that Christianity has been criminalized in America”not only that…he penned an op-edfor Fox as well. mike-huckabee

“Kim’s stand for religious liberty is a pivotal moment in our nation’s history. Will we continue to pretend as though the Supreme Court is the ‘Supreme Branch’ with the authority and ability to make laws? It most certainly is not…It is no more the ‘Supreme Branch’ than it is the ‘Supreme Being’ with the authority to redefine the laws of nature or of nature’s God.”

 

Mike… Sis…

 

Davis’ attorney said “Today, for the first time in history an American citizen has been incarcerated for having the belief..blahblahblah.. and she’s been ordered to stay there until she’s willing to change her conscience about what her belief is”

Roger..sis…

Kim was not arrested because she’s a Christian. She was held in contempt of court for violating a court order. You are put in jail for your crime, not your motive. There’s nothing pivotal about it. Charles Manson killed people because he thought he was Jesus (or something). He was not put in jail about his beliefs. He was put in jail because he killed people.

Kim is an elected official in a public office. She refused to carry out the duties that the office requires and suffered the consequences. Five days in jail for breaking the law is not religious persecution. Kim Davis can still worship at her church, and minister to the ladies in the Rowan County jail. She can still wear the clothes that line up with her religious beliefs. As Christians in America we may FEEL persecuted because of the crazy secular world but I promise we are not actually persecuted.

Go to Iraq and Syria and try to be a Christian.. THOSE are the Christians being executed and we as Christians that aren’t should probably turn our attention to how to help these brothers and sisters rather than Kim Davis.

THOSE Christians are more comparable to the biblical heroes. But  Bible Study is on Wednesdays. You can read Daniel 3 to learn about Rack, Shack and Benny and Daniel 6 to read about Daniel chillin’ with the lions in the den.

veggietales

Ok. Short bible study. God didn’t rescue Daniel FROM the lions den or the Hebrew boys from the Furnace, he protected them THROUGH danger. Had the people not seen Daniel come thru the Den safely or the Hebrew Boys come out of the furnace, some people may not have come to a belief in God, He may be using you to draw others to Christ. Doors of the church are open.

Reason Number 3

Coming soon..

Thanks for reading, yall!

 

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My response to “Homosexual Delivered at COGIC 105th Convocation Video: “Delivert!!”

On Monday, a video entilted “Homosexual Delivered at COGIC 107th Holy Convocation” surfaced. I reposted the video without even watching it because the title was enough for me to look over my glasses. I didn’t have to push play to see that the young man was still gay when he left the Convocation.

I wasn’t going to dedicate a blog to this but I have too many thoughts and have had too many conversations not to. Plus, the Lord blessed me with a gigantic intellect and wonderful insight and frankly, the world benefits from my opinion 🙂

The delivered homosexual in question is 21 year old Andrew Caldwell (not to be confused with the songwriter). He says he has published 14 books and is going to school to become a doctor. He’s lying. I’d tell you why I know he’s lying but that’s not why I’m here.

bishop blakeLets get some things clear first because some of the lingo may be unfamiliar. COGIC stands for Church of God in Christ. It is a Pentecostal Christian Denomination that’s predominantly African American founded in the 1890’s (cause they kicked them outta the Baptist church when they suggested being baptized in the Holy Spirit was necessary for salvation). It’s the largest Pentecostal denomination and can be found in over 60 countries.  Charles E. Blake is the current presiding Bishop.

The COGIC holds an annual Convocation that is a meeting of all the COGIC memebers of churches world wide. The 105th one was this past week where a young man was ‘delivered’ from homosexuality. A video scurried across my facebook timeline Monday morning and my chest immediately got tight. Monday morning is trouble enough, between Myles Munroe and Andrew, I wasn’t prepared.

official uniform schedule

 

Here’s the video. Fast forward to around 2 minutes in. This isn’t the original version. It was taken down.

My initial thoughts

This is why church nxggas can’t have nice things! 

I don’t know why yall keep passing everybody the mic. 

The nxgga was gay when he put that paisley blazer and yellow bowtie on! 

How he gonna celebrate deliverance from homosexuality by dancing with 20 other men?! That’s counterproductive. He’s freshly heterosexual. Preacherman should’ve called some nice looking women down to dance with him. I bet he would’ve passed out. 

I wonder if I go tell the Pastor I’m not gay no more will he give me a hundred dollars?

Initially, I found this video HILARIOUS.

But then I got to thinking and I realized that what was happening was a tragedy.

The first tragedy is that this video suggests that you can be ‘delivered’ by running to an altar and dancing for 20 minutes. It reduces a relationship with God to an emotional experience in Eflat. Kinda like having a one night stand verses a marriage. It also brings the definition of ‘delivered’ into question. Does this young man genuinely not have an attraction to men anymore? Is he now sexually aroused by women? Or is he just choosing not to sleep with men anymore?

God is not the author of confusion. (1Corinthians 14:33) and there’s ALOT of confusion as a result of this video.

I’ve danced, waved my hands, shouted in church and God wasn’t involved. I was following a cultural tradition. I started to study, I sat under a few good bible teachers and learned that alot of what we do is emotionalism and not worship. Worship is a lifestyle. You can’t speak in tongues, not speak to your fellow Christian in the same breath and say you ‘caught the Holy Ghost’. I’m not saying every emotional person in church is full of it. But ALOT of yall (us) are. If you aren’t studying your Word daily and actively cultivating a relationship with God, what are you shouting about?

But grow in grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ (2 Peter 3:18)

Andrew can scream into a microphone and dance all he wants to. The organist can play until his fingers turn red, the drum can beat the snare until it breaks, That doesn’t make him any less sexually attracted to men or attracted to women.

The second tragedy is that this showed how homophobic and confused about sex the (black) church is. Not only did he declare he won’t date men anymore. He also declared that he won’t wear makeup anymore or carry a purse. So not only is he going to date women, he’s also going to present himself in a more masculine way with his dress and mannerisms.  *rolls eyes*

We must understand that gender expression and sexuality aren’t the same thing. Some men are masculine, some men aren’t. Some women are feminine, some women aren’t and that’s ok. The idea that men have to be totally ‘butch’ and women have to be totally ‘femme’ is a social construct and frankly everybody doesn’t fit that mold. I know feminine men who are sexually attracted to women and I know butch women who are sexually attracted to men; most days I’m one of ’em. I remember feeling pressure to dress a certain way on Sunday morning and uncomfortable as a result because of the personal (unbiblical) preference of my pastor at the time.  Simplifying sexuality the way the church has for years alienates some wonderful people. It has alienated me. But I’m not afraid to tell church negros to go to hell.

Pause.

Negros with a 45 year old building fund shouldn’t alienate anybody. 

Play.

I see it alienating people like me and it’s a tragedy. I’m sure I can attribute some of my depression and anxiety disorder to the church. I’ve felt like I wasn’t good enough. I heard the scripture I’m fearfully and wonderfully made but in the same breath made to feel like an outsider if I didn’t want to put a skirt on. I know what that’s like. I’m afraid for young (and old) people like me. I don’t want people to leave the church. I want people to flock to the church. Jesus is the best thing that ever happened to me and I want to share that with everybody. I feel like i’m fulfilling my purpose when I’m inviting people to church, when I’m giving my testimony…

I’m a ‘whosoever believer.’ John 3:16. God CAN deliver you. God WILL deliver you. He loved you enough to send His only son to die for you. The creator of the Universe wants a relationship with you. The church is His bride and He’s coming back for it. Please don’t judge Christ by Christians. We’re a poor representation of Him. We film things  in poor taste and put them on YouTube. We argue on Facebook about our man made denominations. We are not always Christlike.

Whew, I’m glad I got that out.

As always, thanks for reading. Your comments are always welcome.

-CW

 

 

 

 

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Beyonce and Pink. The Grammy’s.

ImageThe 2014 Grammy’s aired on this past Sunday. Beyonce and husband Jay-Z opened up the show with their new hit “Drunk in Love”. Anytime Beyonce does anything. We have to talk about it for a month. A good friend requested I talk about the reaction of Beyonce’s performance.

I find it interesting that the Grammy’s suddenly became a ‘family’ show when Beyonce was on stage and then nobody complained about Pink. Personally, I love both artists. I’ve followed both women since they came out when I was a teenager. I groupie screamed equally at Beyonce in the chair and Pink’s ropes. Image

I think we love to hate Beyoncé.. especially since shes come out of her shell and truly becoming herself. While she was in Destiny’s Child there was an image she had to uphold. A wholesome, round the way girl image… now that her parents aren’t running her career.. (thank GOD Tina isn’t dressing her anymore) I think she feels more control over her identity.

Alot of the criticism people give Beyoncé is based in insecurity. She has a career, a husband a child.. she’s a mom and wife but still VERY successful in her career. Society wants women to chose. You gotta either be a barefoot housewife or a frigid career woman. Beyoncé is neither and she does it flawlessly. Beyonce is also black.

ImageWhat’s the difference between Pink and Beyoncé? Quite simply, Pink is white and Beyoncé is black. We aren’t used to seeing confident, married, sexy black women owning their identity. Change makes us uncomfortable. Society is used to objectifying black women’s bodies and Beyoncé is becoming human (and how dare she put a new face on feminism!). I didn’t hear any criticism about Pink’s performance. I even saw a white woman on twitter say what Pink did was “art” and what Beyonce did was “more sexual”… Image

We’re concerned about our daughters right? Will an 8 year old girl understand that what Pink did was ‘art’ and what Beyonce did was vulgar? Would we rather our daughters look at Pink or Beyonce? Should we allow entertainers to influence our children or should we parent them ourselves?

One problem is that we think Beyoncé and every other entertainer is supposed to be a proper influence for our daughters people complained about Beyoncé’s performance at the Grammy’s like they couldn’t turn the tv off or send their children to bed. The Grammy’s isnt a “family” show per se. I also find it interesting that nobody complained about Pink’s performance when her and Beyoncé had the same amount of material covering their bodies.

This isn’t about Beyonce and Pink, this is about how society looks at women. What makes us uncomfortable… White women’s identity and black women’s identity… Beyonce and Pink both gave great sexy performances and it made some people uncomfortable. But lets turn the mirror on ourselves and ask ourselves what is it about thighs and ass that makes us so uncomfortable? Is it REALLY about how they influence our children? (It isn’t for me. I don’t have any.) or is it about the insecurities we have with our own sexuality? There Beyonce is on national TV with her husband palming her ass and yours won’t even hold your hand in public… Or maybe you want to be able to express your sexuality… to be that sexy.. I don’t know. But I think Beyonce is getting too much blame. What do you think?

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“What about your life says Christian?”

I do speak outs on campus. We go to classes and talk about our experiences as LGBT people. i did one this morning. Of course I discuss my experience as a Christian and growing up in church coupled with my Queerness. This young man seemed a bit dissatisfied that I called myself a Christian. He asked me “How would you define the word Christian?” I said “Someone who follows Christ, believes Jesus is the Messiah and the Son of God”. He seemed partly appeased with that question and I thought that was the end of it. Later on he said

“What about your life says Christian?”

He mentioned that I talked about going to the club and getting drunk.. which.. I didn’t.. I said that I partied alot in undergrad. I started to explain myself. I talked about how Jesus didn’t go to church that often, he hung out with societies ostracized people and he walked the walk and talked the talk. Then the facilitator asked him “What about asking her that question was respectful? We’re here to talk about identity.” Some of his classmates were vocal about how disrespectful they thought he was. I was a bit frazzled (I had been pulled over earlier that morning) but I kept a cool head and THAT was nobody but Jesus.

After class the facilitator apologized to me and I said “No need, I have to ask myself that question everyday.”

I’ve been thinking about it ever since. Couldn’t even lay down and take a nap… and yall know I love my naps LOL.

I try to speak to everyone I come in contact with. I ask questions. I educate. I’ll give the shirt off my back to anyone who needs it. I love children. I love my church. I love the fellowship of fellow Christians. One of the main reasons I try to make money is so I can give it away to people around me. I listen to people’s problems. I try to constantly be in dialogue and reflection with God. That is what about me says Christian.

I don’t believe a consensual romantic/sexual relationship with someone of the same sex is a sin. Nor do I believe the bible says it is. I respect anyone who disagrees. Christians very close to me disagree. But they are still my siblings. We can still love. We can still coexist. We can still do work collectively to advance the kingdom.

There are plenty of things about my life that aren’t Christian. I worry about money. I have an attitude. A bad temper, a slick mouth. I’m guilty of gluttony. I cuss. I can be a flake. Lazy. Whew, this could go on all day.

Not all Christians look the same. God didn’t make us all the same. Jesus had JUST 12 VERY different disciples. Imagine how different everyone in the kingdom needs to be. I’m queer. I’m black. I’m Christian. I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and I die to sin daily. I want people to know that Christian doesn’t mean you can’t have fun, that your life has to be boring or you have to dress like a missionary or live like you’re Amish. God will call you right where and HOW you are.

So let me throw the question back. What about YOUR life says Christian?

-C

2012

It’s amazing how the end of a year makes us think about our life. Especially because unless our birthday is January 1st, we’re not really experiencing a new year… simply a new calender year… the next number on the calender. From 2012 to 2013. That’s it.

Nonetheless, it makes us think… 2012 for me was not good to say the least. But hey, you can’t have a testimony with out a test. This is the first new year I’m glad to see, otherwise.. just another excuse to drink and get buck with my boys and we never need an excuse 🙂

In late July/August, I got out of a relationship. It was a bad break up. It’s still going bad… but that was truly deliverance. She simply had to go. I also made the decision to spend Fall 2012 at home. I was very depressed, anxiety through the roof and didn’t need to be in apartment 70 miles from my momma. I’m very glad I came home and spent the time with my family. It gave me a chance to get my head together.. I don’t have it all the way together but things are better.

In September my friend Xavier fell off a balcony and died. I wrote about him in a previous entry. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him. His parents didn’t even do Christmas this year… Each day gets better though.

November 29th, my grandmomma passed away. We miss her so much. Her voice, her hands, the way she smelled (like soft peppermint), her smile… I’m sad because I know my mom doesn’t have her mom to go to anymore and I can’t imagine. My grandmomma was saved tho… (so was X) so I have peace in the fact that they are with God and I’ll see them again.

It’s 2013 tomorrow. I’m in the class of 2013. I’m going to walk across the stage. I laugh at the thought of myself with a college degree. I’m so rachet. God is so good though… only by the grace of Him am I receiving this. He’s showing me where my life is going. I won’t be in Louisville for long, and it honestly scares me. But I’m going to worry less in 2013. He got me through 2012. I didn’t always have money in 2012, but i never missed a meal and I always had the gas in my car I needed. He’s amazing.

Would love to hear from you all. What happened in 2012? What’s going to happen in 2013?

Well, time to listen to this sermon and figure out what I’m wearing tonight. Please be safe kiddos.

*cheers*

-CW

oh, i’ll be ready to start looking for a spouse in May. *Kenya Moore twirl*

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Sides Part 2.

Ok, I’m going to give you all another example of sidechick-ocity because it happened recently… where are my manners? Happy New Year. Be better in 2012 than 2011.. No progress without growth.

Anywho, I got a new phone for Christmas, so I have no numbers in them. So, a young lady (and I use the term ‘lady’ loosely) that I have a solely physical relationship with texted me while I was sleep the other night. I text back inquiring who it is the next morning.. she tells me its her and that she ‘just wanted to talk’… I smirked and responded ‘talk.. is that what we call it now?’… and she says, ‘no really… I’m not good for just sex.. ” by now i’m looking at my fone confused cause uh… I’m not interested in what else she’s good at… then she says ‘Look, I called  because i really needed someone to talk to but.. clearly you were not that person’…

DING DING DING!!!

Frankly, I’m not interested in her drama… She has to have other friends she can talk to. Regardless of what she says. She wanted me to make her feel better, and it wasn’t with some conversation. If all you ever offer a person is your body, don’t be surprised when that’s all they’re interested in. We have a sexual relationship, I have love for her (I guess…) but we ain’t friends and I’m the last person she should call after the last person she calls when she has a problem. That ain’t my job. I’m not open to a friendship with her because she isn’t confident enough to offer anything but her body. Which is sad because she’s VERY intelligent..

Stay in your lane.

Not to mention I’m in a relationship, and my spouse is wayy to confident to be threatened by her, i still gotta be respectful, yo…

Love and Light, yall. Be realistic about your relationships. Be honest.

-CK