Category Archives: Poetry

I’m Not Getting a Job.

I’m not getting a job so stop asking.

Ever since my mental health situation that caused me to leave my job (see #CarriesLifeMatters if you’re new), a relative keeps asking me (and my mother) if I’ve found a job yet… not about my mental health.. but if I’ve found a job. They are my elder so I cannot say “No nigga and I’m not looking for one.”

I did the right thing. I went to college and got a good job. It did not work. Sitting in a cubicle for 3 years was soul snatching. I’m not made to be an employee. I am a boss.

Corporate America meant constantly shrinking. Do you know how hard it is for a young black kid with locs to have to figure out how not to seem scary to white women from Kentucky? The shit’s impossible.

I had 2 corporate America jobs.

At the first job my boss (a black woman) called me into her cubicle and said, “I need you to not be the angry black woman.”

See, I had suggested to the group of white women that perhaps they’d get more work done if they’d quit watching and snitching on my team.

“What you said offended soandso…”

“I don’t care if they were offended.” I replied

“You’re intimidating.”

“I don’t care. My paycheck comes just the same.”

What is so funny is that I was a temp employee making BARELY minimum wage and they were salaried state employees and (at least) twice my age. Why you intimidated by me?!

At the next job, my boss (also a nigga black woman) told me that the way I sat in meetings was intimidating. I’m sitting, staring at a screen and taking notes. Intimidating. HOW SWAY?

I told her that if she was intimidated that perhaps it was her problem and not mine. NOT TO MENTION. She was a preacher that dressed like a sanctified street-walker. A size 24 not twenty four. TWENTY FO in a skin tight, thigh length red dress and 6 inch heels. Btch, I’m intimidated, hell.

She was so intimidated, she fired me and I pushed back and she had to hire me back because HR couldn’t even justify the reason. I shouldn’t have gone back but my petty ass wanted to walk back in there after that intimidated ho tried it.

I digress.

So No. I’m not looking for a job nor do I plan to.

Those 3 or 4 years in corporate America were damaging. Being nuts genetically on top of being told you’re making people feel uncomfortable for simply existing while you just trying to make some weed money nearly killed me.

Getting too sick to work was the best thing that could have happened to me.

Furthermore, my friends and peers have started to leave their jobs as well. It feels like a community of awakening. I have friends that are full time poets. My classmate from undergrad just opened up her own salon, another homegirl is currently on tour singing with Ledisi, my friends are boutique owners, musicians, graphic designers, promoters, fashion designers, make-up artists, massage therapists, personal trainers, dancers and doing it on their own terms.

People always ask me “so.. what do you do?”

My mother and I are starting our T-Shirt company and YouTube Channel.

I’m about to record my spoken word albums.

I’m a part of an up and coming record label. I’m developing rappers that are actually talking about something. We’re going on tour. We also sponsor a night of Non-Violence in our very violent city.

I work with my city’s chapter of #BlackLivesMatter

I’m teaching vocal instruction at a Girls Music Camp.

I’m raising money for a non-profit that has a vocational-entreprenuer school. (We don’t teach people how to work. We teach them to have careers.)

What do I do? My days off are Monday and Tuesday. I do yoga. I party on Wednesday night with my ratchet friends like its our birthday (they got $2 wells yall). I stay up until 2am writing music/poetry. I do whatever the hell I want to do. I’m broke nigga! and I moved back in with my mom but I’m happier than I was with a $34,000/year job. AND I will be back out of my momma house in my own bachelorette pad by the end of the year. Mark my words. You’ve got to speak those things… *BAPTIST FIT*

If you are not made to go to college or work in an office then don’t. If you ARE made to go to college and work in an office, then DO! I wasted time doing what I thought I was supposed to do. The women that influence me the most, my mom, my aunts a couple of my cousins ARE made to work in an office and/or be in academia. My aunt went to college and didn’t leave LOL. She got her phD and became a professor it was what she was made to do. I am not them. I never have to see another office or classroom.

I wasn’t doing what I was made to do. As a result I used food, alcohol and weed as crutches when I needed mental healthcare and am paying for it. I went to the doctor today. My blood pressure was 124/180 and my pulse was 124. They did an EKG on me. The doctors and nurses took my BP and pulse multiple times because of how high it was. I had to get blood work done. (If you know me, you know how I feel about getting blood drawn). Mentally/Emotionally I am better. Physically I have a long way to go. I’m not going to quit smoking weed doe. Idc. Idc. Idc. 

Do what you want to do. Life is too short. Don’t be afraid to be broke for awhile to have unlimited streams of income in the future. You have to sacrifice. You have to miss events, I had to stop getting pedicures and my eyebrows done (and I’m vain). I had to miss reggae fest. I haven’t bought clothes or shoes this year. I moved back in with my saved ass momma. But I am happy!

What are you made to do?

What is your calling?

What is your gift?

Go do it.

-CGW

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Nobody Cares What You Think

Breaking News! This just in. Nobody cares what you think!

But Carrie, there are people in my life that love me and ask for my opinion/advice. Ok, we not talking about them (they don’t care either quiet as kept).

Social media has us confused. Platforms like Facebook have given everyone, from the informed to the ignant their own personal soap box to stand on. Now regular people (and celebrities) are spitting their personal opinion like it matters or stands to benefit anything.

I wouldn’t know how dumb, ill-informed, ignorant and down-right dreadful some people are had we not gotten connected on Facebook. I want my blissful ignorance back!

There are a few events that led up to this blog entry. In no particular order:

  1. White people figuring out Beyoncé is black
  2. That child from American Idol saying she didn’t agree with the ‘gay lifestyle’
  3. A guy on Facebook ranting about transgender people using the bathroom they want and the ‘gay agenda’.
  4. Two train-wrecks named Iggy Azalea and Azealia Banks
  5. Judge Selfie Olu Stevens’ Facebook posts and everyone’s support despite the fact that what he did was ignant.

If you’re a fat country black woman with a big ole afro that SANGS (not sings) named La’Porsha Renae, you need the geighs on your side, honey. If you’re a white culture vulture that raps, you need the blacks on your side. Iggy, Banks and Porches could come and give a free concert in my back yard and I’m going to be busy that day. Why? ‘cause they didn’t have since enough not to find a HUSH.

You cannot alienate people then expect them to support you in the form of buying tickets to shows and your music. You don’t agree with my “lifestyle”? That’s your prerogative. I’m not buying any tickets though. You hating on Queen Bey?! You outcho natural mind. Where is everybody’s publicist? Does nobody have a friend that says “No girl, don’t say that out loud.” I do. I have a few friends that make me take down various posts. My delete game strong. Get you a friend or 5 that love you enough to tell you that you said something stupid .

Yall know I have an opinion about EVERYTHING but I also have lot of bills. For example, I don’t think people should have babies with more than one person or before they get married. But I host shows, am a spoken word artist and I need those fornicating mofos to buy some tickets so I can pay LG&E. My opinion of their life doesn’t matter.  I am only hurting myself if I get up on my soap box and alienate a group of people because they sin differently than I do.

Judge Olu Stevens has made national news because he dismissed an all white jury from a criminal case. More diverse juries are a worthy cause and certainly something that needs to be addressed. Judge Stevens and his wife got on Facebook talking shit after mediation between them and commonwealth attorney Tom Wine.

Now, if y’all are making progress and have come to some sort of agreement to work together towards more diverse juries, why get on Facebook and accuse the commonwealth attorney of ‘protecting all-white juries’? That is not what Tom Wine was doing. Sometimes, you have to put the cause above yourself. Judge Stevens isn’t hearing any criminal cases and juries are STILL all white. I don’t know Tom Wine. I do know that he is human and so am I. If you get on Facebook talking shit about me, I’m not going to be inclined to cooperate with you.

There is wide support for Judge Stevens in Louisville. I have not jumped on the bandwagon. I support the cause of more diverse juries. But I believe Olu could have acted differently and is more concerned about Olu than he is about more diverse juries or the community. That being said, I still have the utmost respect for my friends and colleagues who have been fighting for Judge Olu Stevens on the front lines. No need for us to argue (again). Let’s use our energy to better our community.

In the past few months, white people have figured out Beyonce was black and are losing their damn minds. Hell, I didn’t know Beyonce was black until Blue Ivy came out with that afro. I think we must realize that Beyonce has been in the spotlight since she was a teenager. She is a grown ass woman now and her art has evolved. I read pieces I wrote at 17 and I was a completely different person. I wouldn’t expect Beyonce to still be singing “Bills Bills Bills” at this point. Her art has become more conscious. She paid homage to the Black Panthers at this year’s Super Bowl. She snatched everyone’s edges off with her new album “Lemonade” (I haven’t watched yet). White people are in an uproar.

I find it interesting that as long as black women are miserable or bent over, nobody has an issue. But a black woman puts out a meaningful thoughtful piece of art and everyone is up in arms. White people, Beyonce is not here for your consumption. Lemonade was not for you. That does not make it racist. That means it is not for you. You may have lost Beyonce but you still have everybody else. Becky and Piers Morgan, sattdown. If celebrating blackness offends you, that is your problem and not Beyonce’s. Nobody cares what you think.

Finally, anytime I give advice, I’m giving it to myself first. I had to realize that nobody cares what I think/feel at my job. It was a hard lesson to learn because they do ask what I think and how I’m doing but they don’t want me to be honest. Last time I was honest at a meeting, my supervisor looked like she wanted to strangle me and didn’t talk to me for 3 days. Honesty is not always the best policy, chile. I’m not telling you to lie. I’m just telling you to learn to put shut and up together every now and again.

You have a strong opinion about something? Before you take to Facebook, ask yourself what that opinion means about you. Are you worried about a transgender person using the bathroom with you? What does that say about your motives when you go to use the bathroom? When you go to post something on social media, ask yourself. Is this empowering? Will it hurt somebody’s feelings? Is it useful? Would I say this to anyone in person? If you answered ‘No.’ more than 2 times, put your phone down and take a deep breath.

Say it with me, “Nobody cares what I think.”

As always, thank you for reading. Don’t hesitate to share and comment.

-CGW

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#CarrieOn 30-Day Poetry Challenge

April is national poetry month. I don’t write (creatively) as often as I like to so I came up with a 30-Day poetry challenge. We’re going to write 30 poems in 30 days starting April 1. Follow @CarrieAmanda7 on instagram for daily challenge photos. Here is the complete list so you can get prepared. Hashtag: #CarrieOn30

  1. The Beginning of Something: Write a poem about the beginning of something, anything. The beginning of a song, a movie, a relationship, a conversation… etc.
  2. A Haiku: a form of traditional Japanese poetry. 3 lines. Line one has 5 syllables, line two has 7 syllables and line 3  5 syllables. Write a Haiku about something small but powerful
  3. Something that frightens you: I’m very claustrophobic. My poem will be about being trapped in a small space. *Shudder*
  4. A Conversation: a dialogue, a series of tweets, facebook comments, text messages or a face-to-face conversation.
  5. Extreme Weather: describe an earthquake, hurricane, tornado or any other form of extreme weather
  6. Waiting for something: describe the thoughts you have while waiting for something you desire.
  7. An Apology: write an apology that’s owed to you or that you owe to someone
  8. Traveling: away from home or back home, write about what you see on the journey
  9. Three Wishes: you’re Aladdin and you’ve just rubbed the magic lamp. What are your 3 wishes? No rules.
  10. A Tanka: Similar to a Haiku with Japanese orgins but with 5 lines. The syllables are as follows 5-7-5-7-7
  11. Your favorite color: Mine is green. Choose one color if you have multiple faves.
  12. After Death: Write about what you believe happens when we leave our body
  13. A Season: The title of this poem is either “Summer”, “Winter”, “Spring” or Autumn”
  14. Something that makes you angry: What makes you fighting mad?
  15. A first date: Write what goes on in your mind before, during an after a first date. Make it funny.
  16. Giving Directions: Write a poem giving directions on how to do something or how to get somewhere. “Take a left at that light”
  17. Something _______: Write a poem entitled “Something (blank). Something crazy. Something strange. Something new. Anything.
  18. Family: Write about your role in your family. Are you the baby? The first to go to college?
  19. “Imitate” one of your poetic peers: I’m writing my version of “CREAM” by B. Shatter or “Top Ten” by Lance Newman aka “Mr. Spread Love”
  20. A Sonnet: 14 lines and a (not so) strict rhyme scheme: Can be either Italian or English style.
  21. The struggle to wake up or go to sleep: “Why am I awake?” Or.. “UUGHH I don’t wanna get up”
  22. Use every letter in the alphabet at least once: “The quick onyx goblin jumps over the lazy dwarf.”
  23. At least 100 words: Write a poem of at least 100 words in 10 minutes or less using the word “Speed.”
  24. Bars: Write a poem/rap to the beat of a current main stream rap song. The more ratchet, the better.
  25. Erotic: “bow chicka wow wow…”
  26. Use the following words: Exquisite, visit, glisten
  27. An inanimate object that is important to you: I will probably write about my cell phone
  28. An acrostic poem using your first name
  29. Flirting: You see a fine young tender and you’re trying to convince them to go on a date with you
  30. The End: The end of something, anything. End of a movie, end of a relationship, end of a roller coaster.

Special thanks to these sites for the ideas/inspiration:

http://www.writersdigest.com/online-editor/april-is-poetry-month-ready-for-our-poem-a-day-challenge

http://www.creative-writing-now.com/poetry-prompts.html

http://www.creative-writing-now.com/creative-writing-prompts.html

http://www.writingforward.com/category/writing-prompts/poetry-prompts

http://www.poewar.com/poetry-prompts/

 

 

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