Category Archives: LGBTQ


As humans, we all want to fit in or feel like we belong to something. There are many ways that we attempt to fit in, an activity, gang, church, fraternity, or interest in a TV show, music or fashion. Sometimes fitting in isn’t the answer.
As I get closer to “grown ass woman” status, there’s some stuff I AIN’T GON DO. Social media is good for showing trends, what’s in, the ‘new wave’ as the kids say. I looked at Pinterest for my haircut, Twitter/Youtube for news and Facebook for unhealthy debates on said news… for the culture, you know?
I could get with Dashikis, Scandal, the new black people album or movie but even i have my limits. As humans I believe we’re tempted to like or embrace something that everybody else has liked or embraced so we can fit in but fuck that. The masses do some stupid shit, look at elections. Its Planet of the Apes in Washington, DC cause most people ignant.
The problem with social media is everyone wants to seem better so niggas be like “I’m doing (or not doing) this thing and I’m better than you because of it.”
For example: “While yall watching Empire, I’m building one.” No you not. You work at Toyota and you on schedule Wednesday nights. Yeeen Lucious or Cookie, broke ass.
I had to compile this list for my mental health. I was born nuts. I must take part in the effort not to become more nuts. My momma told me ‘you can’t [always] do what everybody else is doing.’ I’m an expert at tuning her out but that was sound advice. The following is my list of what I #AINTGONDO.
1. Not wear a bra: I came across a post on Facebook of a nice young lady encouraging all of us with breasts to ‘take your bra off, save the money and be free’.  Look, if you got B cups or C cups you can’t give me advice on my bosom. I posted that and my homegirl commented “if I take my bra off, I’ll cause a black out.”
I be in the gym sweating my edges out to get to B cup status (30 lbs down bishes). Hopefully one day I can go braless but as long as I’m teetering betwixt DD and F they gon be strapped tf IN hear me? Your 5th grade ass tiddies don’t pull on your shoulders and back. You don’t wanna wear a bra? Prosper, my sista. As for me and my tiddies… and some of yall sistas that have threw your bras away need to go in the trash can and get ’em
2. Be vegan or vegetarian: ain’t a documentary I can watch that’ll make me not eat the wings off a chicken and sometimes I want a fish sammich. Kale doesn’t taste as good. You vegan with thigh high leather boots on. You ain’t doing no cows any favors. Have a burger. God gave Adam dominion over animals. He said let there be buffalo wings and they were good!
 3. Propose to a man: when it comes to romantic/sexual relationships I’m pretty liberal… i thought. I don’t want a public proposal at all and I’LL BE DAMN if I get on one knee. I’m the prize. I’d rather have a conversation like, ‘we getting married or nah?’ and go down to the court house. Men get on one knee, women get on two.
4. Have a gender reveal party: past year or so everybody done got knocked up. I love babies. i like kids better than adults.
Buuuuuut to me, gender reveal parties are narcissistic and kinda weird. Like, hey we had sex and made a baby. Come and see if the baby has a penis or vagina!
Plus there’s gonna be shower a few months later right? Am i supposed to get 2 gifts? cause I’m not.. then ANOTHER gift for the first birthday. this lil nigga still shits and slobbers on hisself. Why he need all these events? You’re not celebrating the baby, you’re celebrating yourself.
Yall having extravagant ass gender reveals and showers cause aint gon’ be no wedding. Its your prerogative. I’ll be at the house.
Not to mention technically, we know the biological sex of the baby and not necessarily the gender. But this ain’t science class. Use your googles.
5. Eat bacon or potato salad: like I said, we all want to fit in. Everybody loves bacon and niggas love potato salad (do white people eat potato salad?). Bacon and any part of a pig makes me sick and the texture of tayta salad.. I JUST CAINT.
6. Defending R. Kelly or Bill Cosby: There ain’t music or TV good enough to make me defend either one of them nasty muhfuckas and you’re trash if you defend them. tuh-rash. garbage. dumpster contents. We send a very clear message to black girls and young women who’ve been abused when we continue to defend predators. What if black women stopped defending you?
7. Watch Game of Thrones, Power or Queen Sugar: I just have too many shows distracting my life and I’m not adding anymore. Plus, why is everybody always arguing about Power and spoilers online? Quit spoiling the show for everybody, hell. I’m waiting for Empire, Star, Scandal and This is Us.
8. Explaining racism, sexism or any -phobia: People are ignorant and happy about it. I’m not going to spend time or energy explaining to a stranger why they should treat me and/or my loved ones as human. Be respectful or you can get the buy one hand and get two hands special for free.99. If you genuinely want to learn, I’ll educate for $20/hr. My cash app name is $CarrieAmanda
Be it resolved that the above items are what I #AINTGONDO I’m #ReclaimingMyTime. I encourage you all to make your list and share if you are so moved to do so. Forgive me for blogs that are few and far between. I’ve injured my wrist so typing is painful and my laptop has taken flight to the Holy City. Bare (or bear?) with me. Thank you so much for your support. Look out for the T-shirt line this fall!
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Don’t wait your turn!

We’ve already established that my Facebook (henceforth FB) News feed gives me the MOST. Part of my self care is ‘unplugging’ especially from FB.

I have a homegirl who checks in on me ever so often. I told her this morning I was super anxious. She said “maybe unplug from FB for today”. That’s EXACTLY what I needed to do.

The FB commentary issues that have got under my eyelashes lately are Karrueche and Chris Brown, the bathroom bill (and many other bills Jesus), immigration and how I’m not ‘woke’ cause I’m Christian.

I have learned valuable lessons in FB debates. It’s usually best to keep right on scrolling. Thoughtful conversation usually happens sans audience and one or one. Anytime we broadcast something, it’s to get a reaction and to show off for our friends. Which is in why my view FB debates go south FAST. I usually want to be real petty by the 3rd exchange and I’m trying to do better so I usually just skip them all together. auntie-max

The second lesson is that a good number of people are not smart or open minded enough to debate with. For example, in order to talk about rights for LGBTQ people, you must understand, sexual preference, gender as a social construct and biology. Lots of people don’t.

For us cisgender folk, being transgender may be a hard concept to grasp (use your Googles) but it shouldn’t be hard to grasp that they are people just like us. I’m more disgusted than surprised that we are having a conversation about public restrooms.

Its hilarious to me that niggas black people scoff at any legislation regarding public accommodations. Ask your granny if she could just go to any bathroom.

AND AND AND Transphobia behind ‘protecting our women’ is disingenuous. The POTUS bragged about grabbing women buy the pussy… The President. Of the United States. Some of our legislatures are trying to defund Planned Parenthood and PP isn’t even funded federally. The government could do a much better job of protecting women. The bathroom bill AIN’T one of ’em.

Lets talk about Chris Brown ole creepy ass for a minute. It doesn’t take much to surprise me but I AM surprised that yall need receipts on Chris’ crazy when we already have them.

I posted the story and people’s comments:

“I need to see pictures.”

“Why is she just now saying something?”

“She’s just doing it for attention.”


rhianna-faceMeanwhile I’m serving Maxine Waters face. This the same guy that had Rhianna’s face swollen and bloody. Why can’t we believe Karruche? Why are we defending someone we KNOW needs therapy? Cause we enjoy his music? You go on a date with Chris Brown, sis.

These issues don’t necessarily hit home for me. I’ve never been abused by a romantic partner nor have I ever thought about which bathroom to use for my safety. But they still get to me emotionally.

I’m so frustrated that its such a struggle for people to see other people as human that deserve the rights they enjoy. It scares me because I’m very other and I need someone in privilege to see me as human sometimes and I know they don’t have to.

American culture is very much to blame I think. We have plenty of laws on the books that remind the majority that minorities are people too. Also, i think we try to give ourselves moral permission to treat people bad when we “other” them.

Immigration is a good example. You can’t say you don’t want them here because they’re brown (that’s what it REALLY is). That’s too direct. You gotta straight up make shit up. They are terrorist or innately more criminal. So i don’t have to welcome them into the country, so I don’t have to treat them as people. So I CAN treat them badly. Example below:

I’ve been waiting to use this hilarious clip. They was pissed. LOL

But seriously I know what its like to be othered and it doesn’t feel good, it’s scary. That’s why I don’t want to do it to anyone else. I also believe we have a duty to stand up for people. Its way too late to wait your turn. Errrbody is in danger, girl. I have friends that are undocumented, transgender people in my family, I’m a black millennial. I just can’t afford to wait my turn. We gotta fight unjustice for ANYONE because we are ALL image bearers of God.

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me. – Martin Niemöller-CGW

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Glamour Woman of the Year – Caitlyn Jenner – Transgender People


Today in Mad-for-no-reason news, Caitlyn Jenner is one of Glamour Magazine’s 25 Women of the Year. #EveryWomanCan #GlamourWOTY25

I saw a post on my Facebook newsfeed that said something like “Caitlyn Jenner was chosen as woman of the year. Women, are you offended or empowered?” I answered the question to myself ‘Well, I don’t really give a shxt…’

Then I saw a post of a drawing of a baby coming through a woman’s birth canal. It said “Bruce Jenner can’t do this! He can’t be woman of the year!” and I knew I’d have to blog about it. We’re going to discuss the problem with that picture and then why I think society is so offended by transgender people.

The problem with the picture is that some cisgender women never pass a baby through their birth canal. (I’m not 100 percent sho I’m going to do it myself. I just want to order some 5-year old African twins off Amazon) It is not fair or accurate to measure womanhood by the ability to push a baby out ‘cause not all women can or chose to and that doesn’t make them less of a woman. Also, after a long day of work I don’t want to see a baby coming out of a vagina. Like, I just didn’t need anymore reasons to be stressed that day and that head coming out of a vag nearly sent me over the edge.

Furthermore, it’s Glamour magazine’s prerogative to choose whoever they want for their magazine. Those of you hating on Caitlyn weren’t nominated so I mean there was no danger of you ending up down to the awards. I struggle to understand why you’re so personally offended. Do you even read Glamour magazine?

Caitlyn Jenner was one of 25 remarkable women chosen by the committee of past honorees. One of 25. Yall act like she was THEE woman of the year. She ain’t. It’s a group of them. 24 vaginas out of 25. Not a bad ratio. The vaginas still have the game here.

Let’s get serious for a minute.

There are transgender people in my life that I love. One of my best friends/mentors is transgender. I can’t sit and watch anybody or any group of people be drug through the mud, especially for having the courage to be authentically themselves. I am angry when I see my (Black, Christian) Facebook friends talk silly about transgender people and THEN post a meme of John 3:16.

There is a transgender person (often a woman of color) who has been murdered in the news every other week. It’s a little more serious than Caitlyn Jenner or Laverne Cox on the cover of a magazine and how uncomfortable that makes you. These people are being murdered and THEN their identities aren’t being honored in their death. We have to stand up and have the courage to have at least a conversation.

If WE are going to be boldly Christian and boldly activists, we cannot then chose to exclude Queer people from the movement just because we may not understand them. #BlackLivesMatter right? Some black lives are transgender, gay or lesbian. Those matter too right?


A transgender person is one whose sense of identity does not correspond with the gender assigned to them at birth. A cisgender person is a person who’s identity does correspond with their gender assigned at birth. For example, I am Cisgender. I was born a female. I identify as a woman. Laverne Cox is transgender. She was born a male. She identifies as a woman.

A person’s sex is their anatomy (penis, vagina) a person’s gender is their social role/personal identification based on their internal awareness. Some argue its nature vs. nurture. Others argue its way more complicated than that.

My opinion is even if I don’t fully understand sex, gender, identity, preference and performance; I do not have a right to tell someone else who they are. If Caitlyn Jenner says she’s a woman and wants to be addressed that way, with the proper pronouns, that’s enough. A person’s identity is their own and we don’t have a right to misgender them or call them the wrong name because of our own confusion and insecurities.

I’m also just not interested in what’s between a person’s legs. The brain and heart are more important than sex organs to me. I certainly am not going to publicly speculate on if a transgender person has undergone gender reassignment surgery or not. That’s their choice. I don’t want somebody asking me about my box.

You mad? Or nah?

I see a trend of people being personally offended by Caitlyn Jenner and transgender/gender fluid people in general. I live by what the prophet Jay-Z said. “What you eat don’t make me shxt.” So I’m very interested as to why people seem to take it so personally.

I believe that what we are offended by says more about us than it does about what is offending us. As a society, we put a lot of value in our genitals. For example, manhood is measured by penis size and womanhood is measured by how well you can manipulate/trap a man with your vagina. So, if somebody has a penis and that doesn’t necessarily make them a man, the value of a penis is in jeopardy. If a woman still has the traits that we associate with womanhood, minus a vagina than maybe my vagina isn’t so special.

I also think that the hierarchy/heteronormativity of manhood and womanhood is a part of what makes people so mad. Like dude, you have a penis why would you wanna downgrade and be a woman? Or… you don’t have to endure a menstrual cycle so you can’t sit with us! I think people take the things that make them who they are and elevate themselves. If somebody jeopardizes that, confusion turns to anger.

At the end of the day, transgender people are PEOPLE above all. They have feelings. They have families and friends just like I do. As a Christian I’m going to treat them and everybody with the Love that Christ has shown me…. And post memes of several SEATS on people’s ignorant Facebook posts.

Thank you for your continued support. Remember, this is all my personal opinion. God bless your heart and all your parts


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