It’s that time of year again, I plan on being in a food coma on Thanksgiving Day so I wanted to get my gratitude out.
I have so much to be thankful for. I have shelter, clothes, food, access to clean water; so many things that people that are way happier than me don’t have. I’ve been doing this #30DaysofThanks on facebook and I’m ashamed to say I’m starting to struggle with what to say. Not because I’m not thankful or full of gratitude, I guess I’m worried about people’s perception. Like today, I wanted to say I was thankful for not having any kids, but I didn’t wanna shade the parents, and you know there are people out there that just love to be offended. But, I AM thankful for not having any kids because it’s only by the grace of God that I don’t, I haven’t always been responsible. There’s a couple of times I very well could have been a mother but it wasn’t in the cards for me. I see so many of my peers settling, doing things so out of order and its kinda heart breaking. I like to see people get married, be in love, have careers nshit before they become parents and its rare.
I’m also thankful for mercy every time I get behind the wheel. I’ve been commuting to campus this semester and I’ve never got a ticket or been in a wreck and not because I drove the speed limit or didn’t have road rage… I haven’t been sober every time I’ve gotten behind the wheel, if I’m completely honest. I always drive myself whenever I go out and that has NEVER made me stay sober. That ain’t iight. I’m thankful for mercy and grace in spite of my irresponsibility.
I’m about to graduate, not because I had the money for college or because I studied as hard as I should have, but because it’s in God’s will for me to have this degree. I’ve been in a state of perpetual brokeness as a college student and when I got money, I didn’t always pay my tithe or use it responsibly… but I never ever went hungry. I worried about money even though I knew God would provide for me. I didn’t have enough faith, I still don’t. I’m worried about living on my own again in 2013, even though I know God’s got me.
I have great friends and family. I don’t always email, text, or call them back but they still love me in spite of my flakeyness. I’m often worried about attention from the wrong people, from people that aren’t supposed to be in my life anyway. But there are a few people I can call any time of day and they’ll be there for me. They have their own problems, but always have time for a nigga. I’m thankful. They love me for no reason, will do absolutely nothing with me and be satisfied, will share anything they have. I have people in my life that are like-minded; that will have an intellectual conversation with me and then dance with me to Travis Porter in the next breath. We speak of being in love in a strictly romantic vein, but I’m in love with a few of my friends simply because of the friendship.
I’m thankful you read my blog, I’m thankful people listen to what I have to say.. and regardless of what anyone says. I know its not because I’m eloquent, intellectual, politically correct or polite. I appreciate your presence tho. Don’t go anywhere. I’ll do better in 2013.
I guess what I’m getting at is I’m thankful for my blessings in spite of me. If I was in charge of my life, I’d have none, I’m sure. I’m on my way to mid-twenties and I there was a time I didn’t think I’d make it past 17. I feel like I can’t fully express my thanks to God because I know there’s absolutely nothing I can do to pay him back, but he doesn’t even expect that. Appreciate what you have..
I’m still here. I’m thankful.