Millenials and the Church Part 2

Here’s Part 1

Unauthentic emotionalism
Everybody loves a good shout. If nothing else its entertaining. But, if it happens every single Sunday and is forced, its not genuine. If I’m an emotional mess, I’m not engaged or listening. I certainly cannot be poured into that way. Of course we want to see a ‘move of God’ but that doesn’t always look emotional.

Lazy
It’s not always that deep. We were down to the bar Saturday night and Brunch starts at 2. We ain’t trying to get up in the mean time between time and go to church. Hungover. From what I’ve heard 🙂

We always want to leave church feeling good
If you’ve never been mad at your pastor’s sermon, if they’ve never made you feel bad about yourself, get you another pastor. Of course we go to church to feel better but the Gospel can be a sword (Matthew 10:34). Looking at yourself up against Jesus should make you thankful but it should also put a ‘woe is me’ in your spirit. God is after your heart. He isn’t concerned about you feeling good, being comfortable or having money. It may not be your season. You may not get a breakthrough next week. Hearing these LIES every Sunday may make you feel warm and fuzzy but they aren’t making you a better Christian.

Too Woke
Woke: to be socially conscious 
I have a few non-Christian “woke” friends.
“I see you still got that Roman cross on”
“Christianity was used to enslave us! It’s the white man’s religion!”
I’ve had these arguments. I rarely have them anymore. My rule is don’t disrespect what I believe, and I’ll respect what you believe. We can still coexist. I’m NOT going to stop being a Christian. This Roman cross is tattooed on me so we #minuswell move on.

Because being ‘woke’ is in and we’re all victims of peer pressure, it is important to know the word for yourself. I’m an activist because Jesus called me to be one and He is the activist I model my work after. Nobody was more woke than Jesus. I’m not going to let the Western World’s influence on Christianity keep me from Jesus. Problems with the presentation of Christianity (white Jesus) and the black church are totally valid. If the woke black people is on Sunday, I’ll be there AFTER church.

Generational Disconnect
Millennials and our parents and grandparents have our disagreements. I think what some millennials find frustrating is our parents and grandparents unwillingness to change. What worked in 1960 may not work in 2017. I believe there is middle ground. We are taught to respect our elders so it’s a challenge to be super honest. Lets talk about the generational disconnect of music. We’re free. (Well, we aren’t enslaved anymore, most of us… ) I’m tired of negro spirituals. I honestly never have to hear “Ride on King Jesus” again. He got off the donkey eventually.

The church doesn’t feel like it belongs to us when we hold no leadership positions and leadership doesn’t seem to be concerned about our generation. If it ain’t mine, I’ll be at the house. “No man can-a hinder me.”

Church has no impact on local community
Lots of us live in victimized communities. We have to be concerned about food deserts, gentrification, poor education, police brutality to name just a few. The church should be addressing these issues. If only because there is a black church on every corner in the hood. Shouting on Sunday ain’t enough. You ain’t being a light if the community is no different because you’re in it. It is as simple as showing up. As someone passionate about activism, I don’t feel the need to spend time and money on ANY organization that isn’t making a positive change.

In conclusion…
Thank you all so much for your patience. I have no computer at home and tendinitis. My local public library is Black af and not always the quietest place to write. I hope I gave someone some insight and can get some in return. These issues are not exclusive to millennials and it is my belief all Christians NEED TO GO TO CHURCH a few times a year. Thanks again. “… do justice, love mercy and walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8

– Carrie

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I don’t give a damn about the 2nd amendment.

We are not going to get gun control. I realized this in the aftermath of the Sandy Hook shooting. When the victims were white children and they still wouldn’t address gun control legislation, I knew that we may have to take matters (and guns) into our own hands.

“It’s my second amendment right!”

Fuck the second (and first too, but different conversation) amendment, honestly. It was written in 1791, and there were many ‘laws’ on the books we had to get rid of. The second amendment needs amending. Guns had one bullet when the second amendment was written. Women couldn’t vote. People were property. Men married they cousins.. etc. Things had to change.

AND AND AND.. nobody is trying to take away all guns. There simply needs to be legislation that limits the type of guns and equipment civilians can get. The second amendment only says you can have a gun. It doesn’t say you can have any kind of gun you want. No civilian should have an assault rifle. If you want an AR-15, join the military and go into a war zone. You get a gun and an outfit.

mass shootings.jpgAssault rifles are capable of firing off many rounds in a short period of time with high accuracy. These weapons were banned in 1994. The ban expired in 2004 and congress didn’t renew it. Statistically it is argued that the ban didn’t do much to help because we’re all more likely to be killed by handguns. I think that one incident and just one life behind a military style weapon in the hands of a civilian is worth a conversation. Much less dozens of incidents and hundreds of people.

Isn’t it interesting how everyone just shrugs their shoulders when it’s about something white men need to do or stop doing? Americans in Caribbean territories have no power. White men keep unleashing bullets into crowds of people. *Shrugs* I just wish the outrage behind kneeling during a song about a piece of cloth would carry on to an epidemic of mass shootings. Bitches. 

Did you know that in the past al-Qaeda (the muslims we’re supposed to be afraid of) encouraged its members to take advantage of American gun laws?

The current political machine is NOT going to pass any gun control legislation. Why not? The NRA. Simply put, the national rifle association buys politicians. Well, the NRA buys republicans. In the 2016 election cycle. The NRA spent $56.2 million on Republicans and $265 on Democrats.

Whenever there is a mass shooting, Republicans are quick to offer their ‘thoughts and prayers’ to the victims. Translation: I feel a teench guilty, but I’m still not gon do shit to fix this. It is not a politicians job to pray. The pastors have that covered. Keep your thoughts and your prayers. They probably aren’t getting past the ceiling anyhow.

 

Since we’ve established legislation isn’t going to work? What should we do? I’m glad you asked. I have time.

Elect politicians that aren’t bought by the NRA

I have no warm and fuzzy feelings about the two-party system. Republicans and Democrats belong in the same trash can to me. BUT this issue is partisan. Vote democrat if you want to see gun control via legislation. It is important to vote this way on the state level (Governor, State Senators/Reps) because many gun regulations can be changed on the state level. Make sure you know your state’s gun regulations. Here’s a list of what politicians have received money from the NRA by state. Drain the swamp. LOL. Take NRA funds out of the government.

More Regulations on the Federal Level

Many states do background checks on individuals looking to obtain a license. I think this should be a requirement for ALL states on the federal level and the more dangerous the gun, the more extensive your check. I want your google search data, what medicine you take, what you been to jail for, was ya momma crazy too? and with certain parameters. You can have this supersoaker but its a no for this AR-15.

marlon.jpgGet you a gun legally

Especially if you are a minority. Get a gun. White people love their second amendment. They won’t love it as much if you exercise that right as well. If a bunch of young black people start buying guns and walking around strapped, I promise something will happen.

Tax Ammunition

Highly taxed Ammo will help the local economy and make it harder to attain bullets. Those funds should then go to state-run gun violence education and prevention campaigns.

Ban White Men

This will solve a slew of problems. I said what I said.


In conclusion, there are answers to our problems and its going to take hard conversations, policy, and action to solve them. I’m going to pray but I’m going to DO SOMETHING too.

 

 

 

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Men Are Bitches.

I don’t usually post timely blogs cause I don’t want you all to get used to consistency and I want a timeless element to the blog. This one however wouldn’t leave me alone. Oh. Here’s a language disclaimer. I’m saved. I cuss.

According to dictionary.com,
Bitch [bich]: 1. female dog 2. a malicious, unpleasant or selfish person, especially a woman 3. to complain

The word bitch is usually reserved for women. Because of the hierarchy of feminine and masculine, no man wants to be called a bitch. I’m pretty sure the men reading are angry at me right now. A hit dog will holla. Lots of men (especially those cisgender and heterosexual) value their masculinity and ‘bitch’ is opposite of masculine. It’s cowardly, emotional, weak, soft, fragile. Men tell upset little boys “quit crying like a lil bitch!” I’m emasculating you by calling you a bitch, sir. I just want you to pay attention to what I’m saying. Society is largely patriarchal. Our political and corporate leaders, athletes, favorite artists a lot of times are men. I’m a cultural critic. I’m critiquing. Get into it.

I’m pretty logical. I know not all men are bitches. So, I’m going to be specific. Lets start at the top.

The President

We don’t speak his name. Kinda like Voldemort in Harry Potter. We call him ’45’ in my house. My president is Maxine Waters. VP is Beyonce. I said what I said.

I would argue that since the leader of the country is a bitch, the standard has been lowered. He’s still holding rallies after he won the whole election because he’s so insecure, he needs crowds of people to cheer for him to feel good about himself. It would be funny to watch if he wasn’t the chief diplomat. He’s a coward. He called an American citizen exercising his first amendment right a ‘son of a bitch’. He didn’t call white supremacists/neo nazis SOBS, the Taliban/Al-Qaeda (or whatever brown/Muslim people we fighting), Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Un, Hurricanes, or any true opponents SOBS. This bitch waited until he was in Alabama (not the HBCU part evidently) where he knew he would get applause to call athletes standing up for something righteous SOBs. Call Colin, LeBron, or Stephs SOBs to their face. He’s a political PickMe Penelope.

Bitch honorable mention: Congress for not impeaching him.

Piers Morgan

I woke up from a nap and Piers Morgan was trending but not dead. He tweeted this bull.

Using the N-word must give old white men erections. Piers’ bitch ass wanted to say ‘niggas’ so bad he brought up a 12 year old song. I promise a few rappers have used ‘nigga’ a few times since “Gold Digger”.  Piers used ‘nigga’ more than I do and I’m a nigga that says nigga all the time. Click on the picture to read the article. Piers is a respected journalist. He be on CNN and shit. Why is he constantly trolling black people to stay relevant? Doesn’t he know that #BlackTwitter does not posses the grace of Jesus?

White people. You don’t get to offer your opinion on the N-Word. I don’t get to offer my opinion on Lacrosse. I barely know what it is. Do you want to call me a nigga? Do you want to get hit in the mouth? Do not use it. Period. The whites are so used to having access to EVERYDAMN THING that they can’t wrap their minds around not having access to a word. One word.

Bitch honorable mention: Alpha Pi Sorority for rapping along and not omitting the N-word. That’s in the white fan of hip-hop handbook.

Another Bitch honorable mention: Niggas that don’t like being called niggas.

The NFL

Oh yall bitches wanna kneel and lock arms now? Some of yall bitches just gonna stay in the locker room? Football is an aggressive sport. They hit each other so hard their brains start deteriorating and they literally go CRAZY before 50 or earlier. But when it comes to injustice, they are rather docile. We are all too docile to injustice in my opinion. Colin Kaepernick was kneeling ALONE last year. “I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color. To me, this is bigger than football and it would be selfish on my part to look the other way. There are bodies in the street and people getting paid leave and getting away with murder.” 

Yall’s black asses are going to let a biracial guy raised by white people stand up taller than you for the rights of black people?!

I’m not impressed by players who chose to show solidarity for the first time. The conversation has now become about the President’s name calling, superficial/symbolic patriotism and not about victims of police brutality. Choosing to kneel for the first time yesterday shows that players were more offended by being called SOBs than state sponsored violence against black people. Only when their egos were bruised did those BITCHES decide to take action. They were standing up for Colin and for themselves. They were standing up against 45. Meanwhile, the 200+ black people that the police have killed since Kap first protested have been forgotten.

Check out the data on police shootings compiled by the Washington Post and The Guardian.

Bitch Honorable Mention: Niggas who won’t protest the NFL.

Dr. Boyce Watkins

I’m a fan of Doc. That doesn’t mean I always agree with him. On Saturday on Facebook he said “Toxic Feminism has done nearly as much harm to the black family as the KKK its self” NIGGA WHAT? That statement was like Hotep level 10. Don’t take a worthy conversation (Toxic Masculinity) and make it fit your agenda. Ole “I know you are but what am I” head ass. Feminism is the advocacy of women’s rights based on the equality of the sexes. We have a bad habit of blaming the woman always. Women do some crazy shit. I know. I am one. I’m nuts. But Dad/Husband/Baby Daddy left the family and Mom/Wife/Baby Momma stayed and raised all the kids and feminism destroyed the family? Not the bitch who made a family and then left.

Not to mention many black women don’t identify as feminists because feminism is VERY white.

I’d love to have a conversation with Doc about this. Maybe I shouldn’t have called him a bitch first. Ah well.

Bitch Honorable Mention: The Hoteps and PickMe Penelopes cosigning Doc in the comments.

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Thus is my argument of the bitch-ness of men. Don’t come in my inbox telling me why you aren’t a bitch (yes you are) or that not all men are bitches. If you want to have a meaningful conversation, I’m all for it. Also. if you’re chunky with a beard, a nose ring, love the Lord and want a nice wife to ruin your credit and tell you that you’re trash feel free to inbox as well.

Future Blogs
Wednesday: Millenials and The Church Part 2.
In the near future: Church Songs that are a Lie.

Thank you.

-CGW

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Millennials & the Church Part 1

Millennials: Born from 1982-2002

Praise the Lord Saints, we’re going to tackle why black millennials have stopped coming to church. I got asked about it from a few friends that are leaders in the church and figured I’d offer my perspective and the anonymous perspective of a few friends. I quickly realized it be easier to digest in a parts. (Also, tendinitis in my wrist) This is the Part 1. Stay tuned for the remix (Part 2) coming at cha this fall.

I was forced as a child, I’m grown now and don’t have to.
Growing up, there was never a discussion about church. “Get up its 9” is the extent of the conversation. My brother and I didn’t have a choice.  Doesn’t every generation rebel when they ‘get grown’?

Service is too long
And do you know WHY we didn’t wanna go? We’d go Sunday at 11 and leave Tuesday at 3 with no break and no snacks. I still struggle doing it as an adult. I can imagine how kids struggle.

Church Anniversary was recently. Service started at 11….. 11:15. The preacher didn’t get up till 1pm. All them speeches, presentations, poems and shit! It feels too long because what we doing on service feels like open mic night sometimes. It has nothing to do with Jesus. Church is one place anybody can get up and get their 15 even if they don’t have any business with a microphone. By the time you’re frustrated and hungry, you can’t listen or engage in service properly.

Technology
“TD. Jakes and Bobby Jones have helped folks stay committed to Beside Baptist. Now with the ability to live stream church services YouTube past sermons and etc people feel like why so I need to come all the way to the church I can worship right at home.”

I can stream service at hundreds of churches across the country and not get out of bed. It’s lazy. But as someone with social anxiety, it’s just easier to watch from the house.

Church Niggas Christians
“Since I’ve been attending Bedside Baptist I haven’t been personally victimized by any of the church mothers. Nobody has attacked me for being 30, unwed, with no kids. Nobody has told me I need to put more money in the offering plate after I just gave my last. ”

“I stopped going to church for a long time because of “church hurt” but eventually I had to stop risking my foundation with Christ because of people…. I realized that if I keep my eye on Christ and not the distraction/people regardless of what is said or done (which is hard) I’m less penetrated by the foolishness.”
I’ve dealt with church hurt. I was younger in my walk with Christ. It is silly to let God’s people keep you from God. When I’m sick, I go to the hospital. I don’t leave because ‘eww, all these sick people’. We’re all sinners. As I matured in my walk with Christ, church folk don’t bother me as much. It takes LOTS OF PRAYER, chile.

Leadership or lack their of
“…around my area with the black pastors, I just hear too many stories of these pastors and the allegations of baby mommas and side chicks”

“…too many of our churches are centered around leadership (pastor, worship leaders, other preachers or people in prominent placement), and this is a turnoff to a generation of community minded people like us millennials.”

The #BlackLivesMatter Movement that many millennials have embraced is a ‘leaderless’ movement. There is no pastor, president or CEO. It’s all of us or none of us. I do believe a pastor is necessary but we walk on the line of idolatry when it comes to our Pastor and First Lady.

Also, many leaders (deacons, preachers) in the church lead raggedy lives and as someone who is trying to be better, I need an example especially in a man. Men tend to not hold each other accountable. That’s another discussion though.

Sex
Yall lied to us about sex. All yall said was it’s for one man and one woman in marriage and don’t do it until then. As a preteen I wondered why adults kept saying don’t have sex. It didn’t sound appealing anyway.

Nobody told me that sex feels good.

Also, we’re told that masturbation is a sin as well. So how do I deal with my physical urges? I didn’t get those answers in church.

Homophobia/Gender Roles
” I’m a preacher’s kid and queer! Where do I begin….hypocrites, non-inclusive language and consistent perpetuation of gender roles!

The church has very conditional homophobia. Church queens make service lit with the music and the dance ministry. But the gays is going to hell.

Also, gender roles. I believe that gender is God’s design and for a purpose. But I wasn’t taught how to operate outside of wife and mother. When and if it happens, great. But I’m single with no kids and I wanna stay that way for a few years. Ain’t many niggas around here to ‘submit to’. So do I get a fixer upper nigga or what? The church teaches women to submit but not men to be somebody to submit to.

Thirdly, many of us (including me) are products of single parent homes where there was no man of the house. The woman was the leader of the family. I haven’t seen many examples of a submissive wife that were… appealing.

 

This is part 1. I pray that I’ve given some insight. If you’re a millennial and have anything to contribute to the church discussion, feel free to hit me up. This is an ongoing discussion. If you come up in my inbox trying to argue, I’m #ReclaimingMyTime God bless you real good.

 

– Carrie

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What I #AINTGONDO

As humans, we all want to fit in or feel like we belong to something. There are many ways that we attempt to fit in, an activity, gang, church, fraternity, or interest in a TV show, music or fashion. Sometimes fitting in isn’t the answer.
As I get closer to “grown ass woman” status, there’s some stuff I AIN’T GON DO. Social media is good for showing trends, what’s in, the ‘new wave’ as the kids say. I looked at Pinterest for my haircut, Twitter/Youtube for news and Facebook for unhealthy debates on said news… for the culture, you know?
I could get with Dashikis, Scandal, the new black people album or movie but even i have my limits. As humans I believe we’re tempted to like or embrace something that everybody else has liked or embraced so we can fit in but fuck that. The masses do some stupid shit, look at elections. Its Planet of the Apes in Washington, DC cause most people ignant.
The problem with social media is everyone wants to seem better so niggas be like “I’m doing (or not doing) this thing and I’m better than you because of it.”
For example: “While yall watching Empire, I’m building one.” No you not. You work at Toyota and you on schedule Wednesday nights. Yeeen Lucious or Cookie, broke ass.
I had to compile this list for my mental health. I was born nuts. I must take part in the effort not to become more nuts. My momma told me ‘you can’t [always] do what everybody else is doing.’ I’m an expert at tuning her out but that was sound advice. The following is my list of what I #AINTGONDO.
1. Not wear a bra: I came across a post on Facebook of a nice young lady encouraging all of us with breasts to ‘take your bra off, save the money and be free’.  Look, if you got B cups or C cups you can’t give me advice on my bosom. I posted that and my homegirl commented “if I take my bra off, I’ll cause a black out.”
I be in the gym sweating my edges out to get to B cup status (30 lbs down bishes). Hopefully one day I can go braless but as long as I’m teetering betwixt DD and F they gon be strapped tf IN hear me? Your 5th grade ass tiddies don’t pull on your shoulders and back. You don’t wanna wear a bra? Prosper, my sista. As for me and my tiddies… and some of yall sistas that have threw your bras away need to go in the trash can and get ’em
2. Be vegan or vegetarian: ain’t a documentary I can watch that’ll make me not eat the wings off a chicken and sometimes I want a fish sammich. Kale doesn’t taste as good. You vegan with thigh high leather boots on. You ain’t doing no cows any favors. Have a burger. God gave Adam dominion over animals. He said let there be buffalo wings and they were good!
 3. Propose to a man: when it comes to romantic/sexual relationships I’m pretty liberal… i thought. I don’t want a public proposal at all and I’LL BE DAMN if I get on one knee. I’m the prize. I’d rather have a conversation like, ‘we getting married or nah?’ and go down to the court house. Men get on one knee, women get on two.
4. Have a gender reveal party: past year or so everybody done got knocked up. I love babies. i like kids better than adults.
Buuuuuut to me, gender reveal parties are narcissistic and kinda weird. Like, hey we had sex and made a baby. Come and see if the baby has a penis or vagina!
Plus there’s gonna be shower a few months later right? Am i supposed to get 2 gifts? cause I’m not.. then ANOTHER gift for the first birthday. this lil nigga still shits and slobbers on hisself. Why he need all these events? You’re not celebrating the baby, you’re celebrating yourself.
Yall having extravagant ass gender reveals and showers cause aint gon’ be no wedding. Its your prerogative. I’ll be at the house.
Not to mention technically, we know the biological sex of the baby and not necessarily the gender. But this ain’t science class. Use your googles.
5. Eat bacon or potato salad: like I said, we all want to fit in. Everybody loves bacon and niggas love potato salad (do white people eat potato salad?). Bacon and any part of a pig makes me sick and the texture of tayta salad.. I JUST CAINT.
6. Defending R. Kelly or Bill Cosby: There ain’t music or TV good enough to make me defend either one of them nasty muhfuckas and you’re trash if you defend them. tuh-rash. garbage. dumpster contents. We send a very clear message to black girls and young women who’ve been abused when we continue to defend predators. What if black women stopped defending you?
7. Watch Game of Thrones, Power or Queen Sugar: I just have too many shows distracting my life and I’m not adding anymore. Plus, why is everybody always arguing about Power and spoilers online? Quit spoiling the show for everybody, hell. I’m waiting for Empire, Star, Scandal and This is Us.
8. Explaining racism, sexism or any -phobia: People are ignorant and happy about it. I’m not going to spend time or energy explaining to a stranger why they should treat me and/or my loved ones as human. Be respectful or you can get the buy one hand and get two hands special for free.99. If you genuinely want to learn, I’ll educate for $20/hr. My cash app name is $CarrieAmanda
Be it resolved that the above items are what I #AINTGONDO I’m #ReclaimingMyTime. I encourage you all to make your list and share if you are so moved to do so. Forgive me for blogs that are few and far between. I’ve injured my wrist so typing is painful and my laptop has taken flight to the Holy City. Bare (or bear?) with me. Thank you so much for your support. Look out for the T-shirt line this fall!
-CGW
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I’m Not Getting a Job.

I’m not getting a job so stop asking.

Ever since my mental health situation that caused me to leave my job (see #CarriesLifeMatters if you’re new), a relative keeps asking me (and my mother) if I’ve found a job yet… not about my mental health.. but if I’ve found a job. They are my elder so I cannot say “No nigga and I’m not looking for one.”

I did the right thing. I went to college and got a good job. It did not work. Sitting in a cubicle for 3 years was soul snatching. I’m not made to be an employee. I am a boss.

Corporate America meant constantly shrinking. Do you know how hard it is for a young black kid with locs to have to figure out how not to seem scary to white women from Kentucky? The shit’s impossible.

I had 2 corporate America jobs.

At the first job my boss (a black woman) called me into her cubicle and said, “I need you to not be the angry black woman.”

See, I had suggested to the group of white women that perhaps they’d get more work done if they’d quit watching and snitching on my team.

“What you said offended soandso…”

“I don’t care if they were offended.” I replied

“You’re intimidating.”

“I don’t care. My paycheck comes just the same.”

What is so funny is that I was a temp employee making BARELY minimum wage and they were salaried state employees and (at least) twice my age. Why you intimidated by me?!

At the next job, my boss (also a nigga black woman) told me that the way I sat in meetings was intimidating. I’m sitting, staring at a screen and taking notes. Intimidating. HOW SWAY?

I told her that if she was intimidated that perhaps it was her problem and not mine. NOT TO MENTION. She was a preacher that dressed like a sanctified street-walker. A size 24 not twenty four. TWENTY FO in a skin tight, thigh length red dress and 6 inch heels. Btch, I’m intimidated, hell.

She was so intimidated, she fired me and I pushed back and she had to hire me back because HR couldn’t even justify the reason. I shouldn’t have gone back but my petty ass wanted to walk back in there after that intimidated ho tried it.

I digress.

So No. I’m not looking for a job nor do I plan to.

Those 3 or 4 years in corporate America were damaging. Being nuts genetically on top of being told you’re making people feel uncomfortable for simply existing while you just trying to make some weed money nearly killed me.

Getting too sick to work was the best thing that could have happened to me.

Furthermore, my friends and peers have started to leave their jobs as well. It feels like a community of awakening. I have friends that are full time poets. My classmate from undergrad just opened up her own salon, another homegirl is currently on tour singing with Ledisi, my friends are boutique owners, musicians, graphic designers, promoters, fashion designers, make-up artists, massage therapists, personal trainers, dancers and doing it on their own terms.

People always ask me “so.. what do you do?”

My mother and I are starting our T-Shirt company and YouTube Channel.

I’m about to record my spoken word albums.

I’m a part of an up and coming record label. I’m developing rappers that are actually talking about something. We’re going on tour. We also sponsor a night of Non-Violence in our very violent city.

I work with my city’s chapter of #BlackLivesMatter

I’m teaching vocal instruction at a Girls Music Camp.

I’m raising money for a non-profit that has a vocational-entreprenuer school. (We don’t teach people how to work. We teach them to have careers.)

What do I do? My days off are Monday and Tuesday. I do yoga. I party on Wednesday night with my ratchet friends like its our birthday (they got $2 wells yall). I stay up until 2am writing music/poetry. I do whatever the hell I want to do. I’m broke nigga! and I moved back in with my mom but I’m happier than I was with a $34,000/year job. AND I will be back out of my momma house in my own bachelorette pad by the end of the year. Mark my words. You’ve got to speak those things… *BAPTIST FIT*

If you are not made to go to college or work in an office then don’t. If you ARE made to go to college and work in an office, then DO! I wasted time doing what I thought I was supposed to do. The women that influence me the most, my mom, my aunts a couple of my cousins ARE made to work in an office and/or be in academia. My aunt went to college and didn’t leave LOL. She got her phD and became a professor it was what she was made to do. I am not them. I never have to see another office or classroom.

I wasn’t doing what I was made to do. As a result I used food, alcohol and weed as crutches when I needed mental healthcare and am paying for it. I went to the doctor today. My blood pressure was 124/180 and my pulse was 124. They did an EKG on me. The doctors and nurses took my BP and pulse multiple times because of how high it was. I had to get blood work done. (If you know me, you know how I feel about getting blood drawn). Mentally/Emotionally I am better. Physically I have a long way to go. I’m not going to quit smoking weed doe. Idc. Idc. Idc. 

Do what you want to do. Life is too short. Don’t be afraid to be broke for awhile to have unlimited streams of income in the future. You have to sacrifice. You have to miss events, I had to stop getting pedicures and my eyebrows done (and I’m vain). I had to miss reggae fest. I haven’t bought clothes or shoes this year. I moved back in with my saved ass momma. But I am happy!

What are you made to do?

What is your calling?

What is your gift?

Go do it.

-CGW

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lent 3: Just Give Him a Pepsi

I know this is late and everything but I honestly haven’t had anything to say regarding my Lenten experience. Here’s why. I’m supposed to be listening.

Matthew 6:33 says But ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added into you.

CAGW translation, Look for Jesus.

I am just pretty unsure about life now and my prayer is that Jesus reveals His desires and will for me.

Giving up Facebook has surely cleared my head and I don’t think I’m going to go back even after Lent is over.. not the way I was using anyway. I connect with people on Facebook simply because I know them and that ain’t enough. Being connected to errrbody is toxic. FB used to be fun. Seems more like a chore now. idk, I’m still chewing on it. So, all of my thoughts have gone into my personal notebook lately. I ain’t sharing everything with you niggas. Most of yall ain’t praying no how.

Since I’m not on FB my commentary has to go somewhere doesnt it?

This week in whiteness, we’re solving racism with dolls, fake essays and Pepsi. White people’s answers for racism never involve them DOING anything or changing their minds or hearts. Atoning for America’s original sin is impossible, but moving in the right direction is HARD.

Ziad Ahmed got into Stanford and his essay was “#BlackLivesMatter” over 100 times. This is probably the least remarkable thing he’s done. The kid is impressive. Google him. That being said, I’m not impressed. Ahmed would have gotten into Stanford regardless, i’m not arguing that; what he did was creative, but not remarkable or revolutionary.

I want to go easy because he’s still a kid but life ain’t easy. If #BlackLivesMatter to you, Ziad you better have a 3.5 essay to back that thang up. You a Bangladeshi Muslim in America. These white people don’t care what you think for real. You have a unique opportunity as a brown Muslim with a platform. Use that thing. When you get an opportunity to voice your opinion, don’t be lazy, Ziad. You say #BlackLivesMatter but from that essay alone, I do not believe you. Black people are being killed for no reason, slaves to a prison industrial complex and struggle to get clean water to name a few issues. Do not take the movement so lightly.

We’ve got to stop elevating symbolic actions that don’t mean or change anything. Ziad is capable of a thought provoking essay about why he believes #BlackLivesMatter. That’s why I’m not letting him off the hook.

If a black child would have pulled that shit, it would go viral but because we’d be laughing at that nigga. As the profit Khaled said “Congratulations. You played yourself.”

Speaking of played… I’m about to come down Kylie Jenner’s street. Again, I want to be easy on her cause she’s a kid and her daddy is Caitlyn Jenner but… life is hard. Look at this ‘mmercial.

So nobody at Pepsi has any sense huh? I refuse to believe there was NOBODY at the table that said ‘yeeaaa.. better not do this..”

I just… let me collect myself.

Here’s a lesson in white privilege: you get to be this offensive and it’s iight.

Protesting and Marches are what’s hot right now. As someone who has been in the street and faced police, it is SO offensive that Pepsi used that aesthetic to sell pop!  I know you can do better Pepsi, yall had Tori Kelly sing two bars and I wanted to drink a liter of Pepsi and I don’t even drink soda.

My mom and I watched a clip of this commercial and said ‘so all we gotta do is hand the police a Pepsi? THANK YOU KYLIE!”

I don’t march to be cute. I don’t even like leaving the house, quiet as kept. I march for Trayvon Martin, Tamir Rice and the Mike Browns of the world. The black boys killed for being black boys and their murderers seeing no justice. I march for Sandra Bland because her life sounded just like mine and I could end up dead in a jail cell. I march because I don’t want my momma to bury me or my brother and then hear ‘not guilty’ in a court room. I march because I’m so familiar with the #BlackWomanatWork experience and nobody is listening to me. Nobody. Is. Listening.

So to see the likes of Kylie Jenner marching anywhere and interacting with police is almost triggering. Kylie and her sisters love having sex with black men. But they and so many other ‘celebrities’ are silent when black men are victims of state sponsored violence. This shows me that you all see us. But you are not listening, don’t care or both.

The climax of the commercial, the cop opening up the can and taking a swig and everybody cheering had me yelling expletives at the TV. So… all these people are marching so a cop will drink a Pepsi (not healthcare, reproductive rights, economic justice, racial inequality)? That was obviously the goal of the commercial. This cop is going to kill somebody later (and get away with it) but thank God he drank a Pepsi first! The Pepsi had to have some Makers in it for them to be cheering so hard.

I’m constantly exhausted by whiteness. Mind your self-care, yall.

Thank you so much for your support. If there’s anything you want me to write about hit up HunnWilliamson@gmail.com

#BlackLivesMatter

 

-CGW

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The God Box with Love

We recently celebrated the 1st Muslim Women’s Day so it is fitting I’m discussing my homegirl Love (yes, her name is Love).

She blessed me with the opportunity to be her plus one at David Banner’s God Box Lecture. She was one of many opening acts.

I have so e13323706_1000593296654735_4915089944826961736_onjoyed watching David Banner evolve. I will always twerk to “Play” and “Like a Pimp” but I too grew into my consciousness. He said something interesting though. “I didn’t just become conscious. I’ve been conscious. But that doesn’t matter when you’re hungry.”

I so identify with him because I’m Hotep but I got a little thug in me too. When’s the last time you were lectured by a black man with corn rows and a gold tooth? #Shoutouts to The Turn Up Show for bringing him to the city.

I’m not going to discuss too many details because he is intentional on not having the God Box information online and made everybody turn their cameras off.. Why? because it’s “none of their business” I so enjoyed David Banner though. He held no words and showed lots of love to the people. He’s a big ole country man too. Yall know I like em… nvm

Love performed “Shine”. It iss a coming of age song that tells her story and basically
encourages the listener to “Shine your light” regardless because she says “It’s easier to build strong children, than it is to repair broken men” -Frederick Douglass

At the performance, she added some drums to the track and a young emcee, Metez The Realest joined her. He has bars better than rappers old enough to be his daddy. Look out for this guy.

I am so thankful that I don’t have to leave town or my circle of friends for good music. Check out more of Love’s music here. Thank you for the opportunity to see you kill the stage! Let’s do it again!

If you want me to cover your show, or music hit me up at HunnWilliamson@gmail.com! Will write for chicken!

– Carrie

 

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Lent Week Two: There’s No Future in Your Frontin’

Lent Week 2! What have a learnt? “There’s no future in your frontin.”

Frontin: Urban slang. To put up a facade or make appearances to maintain an inaccurate image of oneself “I know that I’m carrying on, nevermind if I’m showing off, I was just frontin'” – Pharelle

I feel like I should put a disclaimer on this. I’ve been sitting in front of my laptop looking at the screen thinking “How I’mma start THIS out?”

I love and appreciate the church I grew up in. That being said i am about to be very honest about some of my experiences. I love the church and everybody (well most of yall) just the same.  I know plenty of people reading are or have been members of this church. Church is a family and there are some cousins and uncles we can’t stand. Hell, i don’t too much like my daddy myself.

If you’re offended by this post, as a member of this church or any, pray about how you can make church easier on people.. and don’t come for my church or pastor. I’ll fight you. Well, probably not. I’m too pretty to fight. I will talk about ya momma though. I digress.

Bailey (my Volkswagen BLookUpDown gifeetle) is in the shop so mom and I have been sharing Condoleezza  (the other beetle). I haven’t been going to church with her, the church in which I grew up. (We live in different cities) I chalked it up to social anxiety but I realized it was something else as well. I decided to go last Sunday (2 Sundays ago by the time you’re reading) and immediately realized why I hadn’t been going. I got so many… looks.

The church I grew up in is very conservative. Women only in skirts conservative, no sleeveless shirts conservative. People wait for us to come out of church to see what we got on. Yall know how we dress for the Derby? That’s weekly.

I DID wear skirts and dresses for years but after ‘while it got uncomfortable. I just didn’t feel like me. I didn’t like the attention I got in a skirt (#thick) and who in hell wants to wear pantyhose EVER?! I used to take them off in the parking lot after service during the summer.

Also, I’ve since joined a church that was  less conservative (with teaching/preaching just as sound.. that’s important). I figured out I could go to church AND be me. I never thought that was possible.

I stayed home from church this past Sunday because I don’t want people to look at me funny for wearing pants.

It is so ignant its funny. No, literally I laughed after I typed that sentence.

Everybody wants to be accepted. It took a lot of rejection for me to realize this. (Well, not a LOT of rejection, look at me – sheeeeeeeeIT) I developed a strong exterior but rejection hurts just the same. I ain’t gon front, rejection hurts bad. 

The two rejections that hurt the most are from my father and from the church.

These rejections have happened over and over through out my life.  But you know what I realized after years of frontin? I’m just fine without them. By the grace of God, I am just fine. 

I have decided that I’m done trying to be accepted by anybody but especially by church niggas  folk and my pop. To hell with them, frankly. I prayed that I’d change, that God would change me to make me more acceptable so i could be more comfortable and Her only response was “I love you.”

fanny2.gif*Baptist Fit*

My goal should not be to be accepted by people that are sinners like me. I only need acceptance from One and he sent Jesus. –Quickens

After I understood what God did for my sin and what he continues to do in spite of my sin it was a teench harder to judge anybody especially for what the clothes they had on. I wholeheartedly understand why people don’t come to church. I just can’t let people keep me from Jesus. I ain’t going to stop going to church. Also, God doesn’t want you or I to be comfortable. But that’s a different subject for a different day.

It is difficult coming to the realization that the church you grew up in is not the church you are going to stay in. I thought I was going to get married and raise my kids there. I ain’t. Y’all know black people stay in church for dozens of generations in the same damn seat for a hundred years. I had to change churches in order to grow in my walk with Jesus. I had to change churches to be able to go every Sunday.

The lesson I’ve learned is that in order to heal you gave to deal. (Ooohh trademark that… sounded like Johnny Cochran.) You will not be able to move on or heal if you fronting about your hurt. You ain’t that tough. Trust me. I’m a professional fronter and I am nuts on paper. I was fronting about being hurt and why i was hurt. Yall know how much sleep I lost? I was up at 3am bothered and didn’t know why.kellyanne

Be honest with yourself. Keep it 100. It will help your skin. Look at KellyAnne Conway. She lies for a living and looks hung up to dry. Lying on top of the way some white women age? I digress.

Some things only come by fasting and prayer (Matthew 17:21). Lent has been a blessing. High-5 your neighbor and tell em “There’s no future in your fronting.” 

Thank you so much for reading and sharing. I never think people I know are reading until they let me know. So leave me a comment or message, dag!

Sola Gratia

-Carrie

 

 

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A List For Chocolate Girls When Cosmopolitan Ain’t Enough

This week in whiteness Cosmopolitan tried it. The devil always tries to bother me before my Sunday nap. I was on Twitter and this article popped up. “10 Most Beautiful Women According to Science” the article was originally posted by Women’s Day in July and Cosmo in August so I’m not sure why it came across my timeline in March but like I said the devil is busy.

I  smelled bull before I clicked through because of course beauty is an opinion so ain’t no science behind that. Turns out the 10 most beautiful women are white or in close proximity and can’t none of em use my comb. Surprise Surprise.

Cosmo, imma let you finish but…

Lets talk about the history of pseudoscience to justify white supremacy.

I know yall like “but Carrie, it ain’t that deep”. It actually IS that deep and take your simple ass on somewhere if you want to be blissfully ignant.

I’ve always wondered how people that called themselves Christian owned people. Science. The proper term is Scientific Racism. If you think a certain group of people are inferior to you, to the point you dont even see them as people, I imagine its pretty easy to have slaves and call yourself Christian.

(Sidenote: I don’t understand how you think people are inferior but you go steal them to build your country.)

Scientific Racism is the argument that some races are more superior than others according to genetics or phrenology. This is baby back bull because race is a social construct and white comes from black, not the other way around. Black people were on earth thousands of years BEFORE white people. So white can’t be superior because white people came from black people feel me? Only black women have the Eve gene, yall (use your Googles, this ain’t Wiki.).

A specific example is physician Samuel Cartwright. His pamphlet that argued the inferiority of Africans was very popular among slave owners. He attributed the enslaved people’s desire to escape to mental illness (“Drapetomania”) and believed that Africans were mentally unfit for self determination. This fool thought people who didn’t want to be slaves were crazy.

It is important to look at this history because whiteness is STILL using pseudoscience to justify white people as superior. White women in Cosmo’s case. Our experience compared to our ancestors’ is nothing but the foundation of all the fcksht is white supremacy.

White people are superior in nothing but racism and the ability to sun burn.  Hear me? White people are not smarter, more athletic, more talented, attractive or better in ANYWAY than ANYBODY. Fight. Me.

As a little girl, I remember going to the magazine aisle at Walgreens. Probably because it was next to the candy aisle, honestly, truly. Among hundreds of magazines seeing a sea of blonde, slim white women. I sought out Essence, Ebony and Jet Magazines for women that looked like me and the women who were raising me.

My chocolate chunky nappy headed ass learned that I live in a white world quick. The black women in my life worked very hard to make sure I knew I was smart and pretty. I used to wonder why they’d say it so much but I understand why now. I was growing up in world where beauty and brains was the opposite of me.

One of the first times I saw myself on TV was when Viola Davis took her wig and make up off on HTGAWM and I was an entire adult. Representation matters. I didn’t know until I was represented. Brandy as Cinderella and Princess Tiana also have a special place in my heart.

As a black woman it is my responsibility to make sure little chocolate girls don’t believe the hype. So I came up with a list: For Chocolate Girls When Cosmopolitan Ain’t Enough. This is a list of influential, successful, beautiful black women. It is for black girls/women by a black girl/woman.

What about other women, Carrie? What about boys/men? Not my responsibility. I cant do everyhing, damn. Make your own list.

Lets get into it. Share and please add your favorite black women as well.

 

1. Gabourey Sidibe, actress

Gabby

 

2. Nina Simone, singer/activist

Nina Simone

 

3. Tracy Clayton, writer. (Hometown in the house!)

tracy+clayton+mavenly.jpg

 

4. Viola Davis, actress 

21st Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Arrivals

 

5. Ursula Burns, the first black woman to head a Fortune 500 company

Xerox CEO Ursula Burns

 

6. Jazmine Sullivan, my favorite singer EVER

jazmine sullivan

 

7. Leslie Jones, actress/comedian

leslie jones

 

8. Maxine Waters, congresswoman our political auntie

auntie maxine.jpg

 

9. Joy Reid, journalist/political commentator

joy reid

 

10. Shelia Jackson-Lee, US Representative

jackson lee.jpg

 

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