“Mouthy Female”

I’ve always been bold. I have moments where I look back and think “I can’t believe I just said that.” More often my thoughtful moments are “Why won’t anybody say anything?” A good friend of mine tells me I have “no filter.” I think he may be right. For me, the need for the truth to be put out there always outweighs the need to keep the peace. Peace is overrated. 

For the sake of my own mental health, I’ve made a conscious effort to stay out of controversy on Facebook. I’ve challenged myself to use that ‘backspace’ on my keyboard and keep on scrolling. I’ve ended arguments with “Be blessed!” and I’ve unfriended and blocked some people. I’ve prayed for people instead of writing a think piece in the ‘reply’. I can’t save everybody. Jesus saved half the people on Calvary, Harriet left plenty of slaves on the plantation. Everybody ain’t going to Canaan. Some will be left behind. 

I think I backslid Wednesday though. There’s one Facebook friend I’ve decided to keep around (against my better judgement). I don’t want to delete everyone I disagree with. One, I’d have no friends and two, I must become mature enough to disagree with people and not ruin the friendship right?

He’s a Black man in his 60s and expresses the vilest opinions on women. He’s one of them ‘lady vs. ho’ niggas. He defended Brett Kavanaugh like he was getting paid. He said Stacey Abrams wasn’t ready. I keep telling him he can use a lot less words to say ‘I hate women, especially Black women.” 

I know I’m supposed to ‘respect my elders’. He’s the same age as my parents. But I believe at times we use that as an excuse to just let old people say anything to us just because they managed not to die yet. At some point, I’m a grown ass woman and adult to adult, you really don’t want this smoke. 

His sentiments on Stacey Abrams, my fierce opposition and his response is what led to this comment.

“Mouthy Females” sent me. I hollered. That’s what hit dogs do after all.

I HATE being called a female. I hate that people use ‘female’ to describe women. Female is an adjective, not a noun. I am female. I’m not a female. I’m a woman. “Female what? Lizard?” is what I always say. Female is the new ‘bitch’. After you call me a female, I’m done listening. But what good would it have been using my energy telling ‘Shady Pines’ why he shouldn’t call me a female? One, I know a few 60+ year old Black people. They ain’t changing. Two, I knew my Facebook friends would let him have it. 

“MOUTHY FEMALES? REALLY.?!” was the theme of the responses. It was too funny to offend me though. So to calm down my friends (who I so appreciate for defending me) I jokingly commented. “I’m putting ‘mouthy female’ on a shirt. That’s golden.” I was joking. I was jussplayin. But then I kept getting messages asking to buy one.

Here’s where I tell you to like HunnyChile, my (and my mother’s) T-Shirt company on Facebook and visit our website.

I designed a ‘Mouthy Female’ shirt as a reclamation. It was meant to be derogatory, meant to hurt my feelings. But like “Nasty Woman”, like the N word. I’m taking it back.

I wouldn’t be described as ‘mouthy’ if I was a man. In the past I have tried not to be mouthy because I was afraid of what men would think of me. I had to stop auditioning to be the wife of every man I came across. I have to speak up for what is right. I have to tell men why they were wrong or to keep their hands to themselves because no one else would. I had to be mouthy.

I have to be a ‘mouthy female’ for some shy little girl who needs to know that it is OK and necessary that she speak up. 

I was a shy little girl. My mom, aunts, Stacey Abrams, Maxine Waters, April Ryan and countless other women were/are those ‘mouthy females’ for me. In times such as these, it is necessary for females, women, femmes to be Mouthy.

If you want one and to support your favorite mouthy female, order a “Mouthy Female” shirt in white or black, while supplies last. Most importantly, keep being mouthy!

– Carrie 




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#BibleStudyReflections: How Jesus Addressed Sexism, Racism & Sin at the Well

For this reflection, we find ourselves in the Gospel of John 4.

Jesus and the disciples were on their way back to Galilee from Judea. On the way, they stopped in a village in Samaria. While the disciples went to go get food, Jesus rested at Jacobs Well (mentioned in Genesis 33, not the one in Texas).  It was around noon and a Samaritan woman had come to draw water. Jesus asked her for a drink.

Pause.

Jesus was a (BROWN NOT WHITE) Jew and this woman was a Samaritan. Because of racism, Jews didn’t have anything to do with Samaritans. Also, men did not converse with women without the presence of their husband (I wish that’s how it was today. LOL).

This conversation was no accident. Racial and gender lines were broken by Jesus even initiating this conversation. A Jewish man talking to a Samaritan woman was NOT the social norm. There are social norms I tolerate, there are even social norms I appreciate. I’m so glad that Jesus knew when to break the rules.

The woman said so too, vs. 9 says “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. Why are you asking me for a drink?” 

Jesus replies in vs. 10 “If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me and I would give you living water.”

At this point, the woman (whose name we never know) and Jesus are talking about two different types of water. The woman was focused on the law. Jesus was focused on grace. Still focused on H2O, the woman tells Jesus he doesn’t have a rope or a bucket. So where are you going to get this water?

I enjoy how bold this woman is. He’s a Jew, she’s a Samaritan. He’s a man, she’s a woman. But she is still taking time to boldly question him. Sometimes as Christians, we are hesitant to question God. This woman is a great example of how bold we can be in our questions to Jesus. I’m so glad that he can and will answer our questions!

Jesus breaks it down. verse 13: “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again…”

The woman asks for this water. She doesn’t want the water for spiritual reasons. She’s concerned about her physical thirst and her social status. She’s come to the well at noon. Nobody would come to the well at the hottest time of day, I imagine drawing water from a well is physically taxing. Since everybody came to the well at the same time. It was as social as it was practical. Why was this woman even at the well alone at noon?

To answer her question, Jesus tells her to ‘Go and get her husband.’
Me: “Now, Jesus. You know that woman ain’t got no husband.”

Jesus wasn’t being shady though. According to the law, men couldn’t converse with women in public without their husband. But also, He was (gently) addressing her sin. Jesus didn’t come up on the woman and say “YOU A HO!”. He approached the woman humbly. By asking her to draw water for him he made her useful. He made her seen. He asked her He started a conversation.

“I don’t have a husband.” (verse 16) the woman replied. Jesus says in verse 17, “You’re right, you don’t have a husband. For you have had five husbands and you aren’t married to the man you’re living with now.”

Me: Dag Jesus, you gon just call sis out like that?! I bet she was at the well cause she had slept with somebody’s man and the girls ain’t like her.

5 Husbands is a LOT. But when we look at the social context of the time, when a woman’s husband died, she became a beggar, a prostitute or somebody else’s wife. Since men dropped like flies due to war, famine and disease, sis just chose the best option. I’m so glad single is an option now. 

It was this moment that she realized she wasn’t just talking to a regular guy. She also got called out and changed the subject. LOL. vs. 19. You must be a prophet. 20 So tell me why is it that you Jews insist  Jerusalem is the only place of worship while we Samaritans claim it is here at Mt. Gerizim where our ancestors worshiped?

Jesus replies in verse 21-24. “… the time is coming when it will no longer matter whether you worship… on this mountain or in Jerusalem… salvation comes through the Jews. But the time is coming… when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth”

If I was Jesus, I woulda been like “Girl, don’t try to change the subject!” But He answered and in His answer addressed racism and sin. Jews were the chosen people. The 12 Hebrew tribes were those saved from slavery in Egypt and recipients of the promised land. They also had very strict religious laws to follow to stay in good standing with God.

Jesus came to shake all that up. With his sacrifice, the veil in the temple was torn and now we ALL have access to God is thorough Jesus. Thank God, I don’t wanna slaughter no animals.

So how did Jesus address racism, sexism and most importantly sin? The Water.

He used the earthly relevance of the water to start a conversation across racial and gender lines, and show the woman that He had living water; that HE IS living water.

To evade Jesus even further, she says “I know the Messiah is coming… he will explain everything to us.” Jesus tells her, “I AM the Messiah!”

I think I would’ve been skeptical. The woman wasn’t though. She left her water, she didn’t grab no shoes or nothing and went back to her village telling everyone, “Come see a man who told me everything I ever did! Could he possibly be the Messiah?”

As a result of her testimony, many Samaritans in her city believed in Jesus. Somebody had to tell you about Jesus. Somebody’s salvation will come about from your testimony. So tell someone about your Jesus encounter. Also, I believe this story is a good argument for women preachers. But I’m not arguing with Baptist negros today.

Imagine going to run an errand and meeting Jesus. Where did you meet Jesus?

“There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus. And now that you belong to Christ, you are the true children of Abraham. You are his heirs, and God’s promise to Abraham belongs to you.” Galatians 3:28-29

Until next time, 
– Carrie

#BibleStudyReflections 11: Take it Outta Me

I visited the Kingdom Center in Louisville, KY this past Sunday at the invite from my friend Jai. It was phenomenal. I’ll definitely be back. During the devotions/praise and worship, they sang “Have Your Way” by Jabari Johnson. It’s a beautiful song, go check it out.

The lyrics “If Its not pleasing to you, take it outta me.” will not and have not left me alone. During service, we had plenty of time to sing and meditate on that one line.

Can I be honest? There are some things in me that are not pleasing to God that ARE pleasing to ME. As I was singing that I felt God saying, “You sure? I’m going to take away some things you love.” My grandaddy/pastor Elder DJ Ward would ask us “Do you mean that?!” when we were singing certain songs. Sometimes, the response for me is “I’m not sure.”

During service it was mentioned that we are often ‘chasing an experience and not a relationship’. I had a great time in church Sunday singing that song. I had a horrible time dealing with the answer to the prayer on Monday.

One of the things being taken out of me is the urge to debate/argue with everything and everybody. It is mentally and emotionally taxing and usually doesn’t benefit anything or anybody. On Monday, I posted a status on my Facebook page saying that I was going to be intentional about avoiding arguing and conflict.

Then conflict showed up as if I had invited her.

It was conflict from something that happened a couple years ago (that didn’t involve me) from somebody I honestly barely know. I let two women (well, girls that are old enough to be women) take me to an angry/anxious place and ruin my day. I was in tears by the time my mom had gotten home. (She won’t go off on Facebook but she WILL come in my room and go off about people. LOL)

Today’s Bible Study took me to Psalm 51 by no accident. David wrote this Psalm after he slept with Bathsheba. (It’s a juicy story, go read) David recognized his the sin that he committed and the fact that he was a sinner.

“You’re not a sinner because you sin, you sin because you are a sinner.” – DJ Ward

Our natural, hereditary disposition is sin. Adam and Eve gave it to us. Sin isn’t something we do occasionally. Sin is who we are. So, it’s important for our constant prayer to be “If It’s not pleasing to you, take it outta me.”

And He’ll do it. 

Not only is the habit of debating/arguing everything and everybody leaving, but so is my love for it. I don’t want to argue. I don’t want to debate if it does not lead to understanding and progress. I ain’t spending any of that energy for free. It’s too expensive, and I’m not talking financially.

Psalm 51:16-17 (NLT)
You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering. The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.

My spirit is certainly broken. I’m comforted in the fact that God will not reject a broken heart. (I’m also grateful I don’t have to slaughter and burn a lamb. Yuck.)

Psalm 139: 23-24 (NLT)
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Until next time,

-Carrie

#ChurchHurt

[Disclaimer: I’m talking to and about Christians.]

Songs like “I’m Available to You” are cute and nice to sing… until God gives you an assignment you don’t want. I don’t want to write about church hurt. But here we are.

Last week frustrated with the actions of church folk (again), driving home I proclaim, “of all [redacted] places, I shouldn’t have to leave CHURCH feeling like this!”

There is no hurt like church hurt. The worst [emotionally. mentally. sexually] abuse I’ve been subject too has been at God’s house by God’s people. I know church hurt. So after  yall read this don’t come at me like “YoU dOnT kNoW wHaT iTs LiKe!!!” I do.

Can I keep it real?!

Some (not all, a portion, a few, a bit) of yall are full of shit.
Some of yall just don’t want to go to church. Its understandable. I don’t want to go often either. People don’t want to go to church because it is hard to be held accountable.

The pastor preaching about sin, its consequences and how God feels about it is not ‘church hurt’. It’s the truth. They may have mentioned your sin in their sermon. They don’t know your life unless you told ’em.

(This lady in church used to yell “You in my business!” during the sermon when she felt it. LOL)

For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. [Hebrews 4:12, NLT]

Every Sermon ain’t supposed to make you shout. Some are supposed to make you grieve. Some Sundays we should leave church saying ‘WOE IS ME!’ If your pastor has never stepped on your toes or preached ‘on your row’, get you a new one.

We want to come to church, sing “Today will be the best day of my life”, spin around 3 times for a breakthrough, sew a seed of $20 so we can become a millionaire and be told there’s a champion in us. We want to be lied to. It feels better.

Joel Osteen is lying. Calvary WAS the breakthrough, you may be broke forever and in this life there will be trouble. [John 16:33]

Can I keep it 100?!

I’m talking to and about people who have professed Christ as their Lord and Savior and have stopped going to church because they got hurt. You are capable of forgiving hurt. You’re even capable of tolerating it. People hurt you at the club, grocery store, your job, the gym and you haven’t stopped going. Your Baby’s momma or daddy hurts you often but you still climb in bed with them.

If you allow being hurt to keep you from church, you have made an idol out of the hurt. I wish it didn’t say it but right there in Hebrews it says don’t forsake the assembly. God inspired Moses to write that because He KNEW how church nig… I mean ‘the saints’ can be. They are insufferable. But so are you. You have hurt people. I saw some people who are straight up terrorists talking about church hurt. I’m not buying it.

I think (not sure) this conversation was sparked by LeAndria Johnson’s rant. I’m a big fan of LeAndria’s singing but she’s trippin. She’s mad at somebody who didn’t recognize her while she was sitting in a chair getting hair and make-up done. Now, the girls put on a LOT of hair and make-up so you may have just been unrecognizable. The ‘before’ and ‘after’ are day and night. Or.. they could’ve just not been paying attention. My grandaddy/pastor used to say ‘You’re just not that important.’

If somebody hurt you, before you go on FB Live, address the person one on one (that’s in the Bible too), face to face and explain how they hurt your feelings. Le’Andria gets praised for “keeping it real”, but ranting about your hurt on Jesus’ internet is passive aggressive and she’s too old and too gifted to be acting that way. Le’Andria needs to see a therapist and yall stop booking her until she does. LOL

Furthermore, against the shadow of the cross, in my mind I could not justify people who are sinners just like me keeping me from church. Crucifixion hurts worse than anything church folk can do to you. He chose to hurt for me, He chooses to forgive my sins daily because of it. Surely I can forgive people. Surely I can find a church and a pastor for me.

As a Christian, you need a church. Free agents don’t play until they get on teams. Nobody refuses to go to the hospital because of sick people. We all need to see the doctor.

This all may sound insensitive. It is not my intention. But I’m not going to sugar coat or coddle grown ups either. I didn’t go to church for awhile. I didn’t WANT to go longer than that. So if you aren’t going. I get it. I ain’t mad atcha. I recognize that everybody ain’t where I am and it’s taken me a WHILE to come to this realization.

Those of you dealing with church hurt, I am so sorry. Please find the most healthy way to address it and get your ass…. i mean, find yourself back in church. How do you deal with it? Idk. LOL. It may mean finding another congregation, it may mean showing up when you don’t want to, it definitely means LOTS OF PRAYER. Pray for a heart to forgive. Pray for whoever hurt you. Pray for the Pastor. Pray when you wanna cuss out a nigga on Sunday morning.  God answers prayers.

*in my Lexi voice* GO TO CHURCH!

Now, I don’t want my perspective to look like it lets the church off the hook. Church hurt IS the church’s fault. 
The church needs to treat people better.
The church needs to stop asking a congregation of poor people to put gas in the pastor’s jet.
The church needs to address sexual abuse, toxic masculinity, patriarchy, generational curses, mental health and MUCH more.
The church needs more leaders who are called by God (then TRAINED) and not self-proclaimed.
The church needs a smoking section. The church needs a concession stand. 
The church should change the neighborhood.
The church needs to make social justice a priority.
Elders of the church need to know when to RETIRE and make way for the next generation. The next generation needs to listen to the elders with open ears and open hearts.
We need to make church a priority and not a ‘maybe’ on the weekend.

Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk. If you’re dealing with church hurt and need somebody to talk to, I am here. If you mad and want to cuss me out, I promise you don’t want this smoke! LOL. Bless your heart and all your parts. Like CarrieAmanda on Facebook. Comment or hit me up and let me know you readin! Thank you!

– CGW

 

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What’s wrong with white men?!

29138219_10214022411253215_1604364373_n“He was polite, a deep thinker…”
“… a very challenged young man”
“seemed like a smart kid who showed a lot of promise”
“he came from a tight-knit, godly family”

These quotes describe Mark Anthony Conditt, the 23 year old white guy who before blowing himself up carried out terrorist attacks via bombs in FedEx packages for the better part of a month in Austin, TX. These attacks resulted in the murders of Anthony House and Draylen Mason (both Black men) as well as the injuring others.

You’re familiar with the adage from James Baldwin “To be Negro in this country and … conscious is to be in a constant state of rage.” I don’t want to be in a constant state of rage and constantly try to avoid it by choosing my battles, but I’m going to have to choose this one. I hear the conversations around gun control, mental health and bullying but nobody is going to say it so I will.

White men are the problem.

In my Tonald Drump voice, we gotta figure out what the hell is wrong with white men?

Not only are white men the problem, the media constantly bends itself into a pretzel to humanize even the worst of them.

In the trend of white men going ape shit, the cops and politicians (IF they say anything) are always very careful to NOT say its terrorism or a hate crime. I call bullshit. The current cultural connotation of the word terrorism is brown and Muslim. According to the dictionary terrorism is violence in the pursuit of political aims.

2016’s  New York bomb was called terrorism. A Muslim with a name we can’t pronounce from a country we can’t point to on a map carried out an attack in the name of ISIS. We can all agree that’s terrorism and those with the microphones were quick to call it terrorism even BEFORE they had any evidence of it.

When I was reading the article about the latest white male terrorist, I thought I was reading the obituary of a victim and not the attacker. He was “polite”, “a deep thinker”, had “many challenges”. Why do those that control the narrative try so hard to humanize White men no matter what they do; while at the same time trying to harden and criminalize Black victims? White supremacy is the short answer.

The foundation of the United States of America is white supremacy. It was colonized by white men who carried out a genocide of brown and red people, then enslaved Black people to build it. America would not be what it is economically or culturally had it not been for white supremacy. Once America addresses and admits its original sin, she can begin to atone for it. Until then, we going straight to hell and I’m calling everyone out. You can’t whoop me.

I have it better than my ancestors and for that I’m thankful. I’ve never had to look for the colored section of anything but, white supremacy still affects us, its just a different flavor.

The 2018 version of white supremacy isn’t white robes and ropes hanging from trees, it’s the media painting Stephen Paddock who killed 50 people “enjoyed country music and lived a quiet life.”

It says of Nikolas Cruz who walked in his alma mater and shot 33 innocent people that he was ‘lost and lonely’

The guy that drove into a crowd of peaceful protesters? James Feilds, Jr. “had trouble making friends”, was a “very quiet little boy”.

180323143839-02-stephon-clark-family-exlarge-169On the other hand, Trayvon Martin a teenager murdered for no reason was called a ‘thug’ because he had on a hoodie on a cold rainy night.

2018’s white supremacy murders Jordan Davis because he was playing ‘thug music’ and then goes home and orders a pizza. It insists Eric Garner died of a heart attack after being choked to death and saying “I can’t breath.” 11 times. Stephon Clark was holding a fucking cell phone in his grandmomma’s back yard and shot at 20 times.

According to Vox, since ole boy took office, more Americans have been murdered by white men than by Muslim men. As a matter of fact, since 9/11, more Americans have been killed by homegrown right-wing terrorists than Muslim ones. I’m not denying that there are Muslim extremist groups that are a threat and we should probably keep one eye on them, but I am arguing that as American citizens we are more likely to be killed by a Christian white dude so we need to vet them too. But we know white supremacy isn’t rooted in logic.

In my opinion, we need to take a serious look at the psychology of the American white (straight, cis) white man and figure out why there is a different mass shooting/bombing every week. The rest of us do not go on killing sprees because of life’s circumstances. Did nobody teach white men to deal with inconvenience? We can talk about mental health and gun control, but we have to talk about white men if we want to stop mass shootings and bombings.

I’m mentally ill and that’s putting it nicely. I’m NUTS. I was bullied about my hair. My father couldn’t be bothered. I never felt an urge to kill a bunch of innocent strangers about it. I’m not saying I’d never shoot anybody, I’m just saying if I did, I’d have a reason. I’m trying to figure out what is it about the white male experience that makes him lose his marbles at experiences that are regular to the rest of us. Why kill a bunch of innocent strangers?

Furthermore, why don’t the people around him see that he’s a terrorist? There are people in my life that if they did something I’d be like “oh yea, they did that shit. guilty as hell. been crazy since they were born.” (I ain’t no snitch though) You mean to tell me that NOBODY around these terrorists saw it coming? There’s a FEW people in my life I make sure don’t have access to guns and explosives.

What if Black women went on killing sprees every time they were bullied?! What if Black women had time to make bombs?

In my humble opinion, I think that white men are used to being on top in every aspect of society. They are teaching their sons that they are special if for no other reasons than they are white men and the world is changing. We like to say that racism is over. But the guys that are carrying out these terrorist attacks are 20 something millennials whose parents been lying to them.

They must come to terms with being a white man isn’t enough anymore and that white mediocrity won’t always win. We had a Black president, a woman almost became one so they had to go get the poster child for white mediocrity and elect him. He’s racist, sexist, an all around buffoon and has emboldened mediocre white men everywhere. We in danger, yall.

In conclusion, I’m not a mental health expert… This is just my theory. I wish I could spend my energy on something else (listening to Snoop’s Gospel album) but I like going to church and the movies and don’t want to get shot. I live in Kentucky, issa lotta white men here. I got to be vigilant. A relative and I were at Hobby Lobby and this white man reaches into his coat (for what we later figured out were his car keys), and we paused and grabbed each other.

White men are the issue this time. I’ve had to take on alotta heavy loads for ALL Black women (and Black people at times) so I’m glad to give something to white men. White men are the issue. They are the domestic terrorists. They are the reason ole boy is in office. White men have a permanent spot on my prayer list.

#StopWhiteMen2018

If this blog entry upsets you, remember that you can’t whoop my ass and I only argue on Sundays. Wakanda Forever.

-CGW

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#LevelUp These

You’re familiar with the old adage, that if you roll your eyes they could get stuck like that. This can’t possibly be true. Or maybe, black women in the black church are immune to it. That’s like a evolution thing right?

The singer Ciara posted this clip of Pastor John Gray at a women’s conference of all places with the caption #LevelUp.

My friend asked me what I thought before I had even seen it. We discussed how Proverbs 18:22 is misinterpreted and over quoted in church. The ‘spirit of girlfriend’ whatever the hell that means isn’t addressed in that passage or an in the Bible. In this passage, the task is left to the man to find a wife, and niggas in the pulpit have still found a way to make the woman responsible.

I found a longer clip and Pastor Gray goes on to tell women basically to not wear makeup and weave because he’s looking for ‘the real you’and not the ‘projected you’. Do yall REALLY think women have a MAN in mind when doing their hair and makeup? We’re doing that for each other or for our damn selves. Black women are innovators when it comes to hair and make up and plenty sistas need to beat their face DAILY.

Furthermore, statistically, Black women in large part are marrying “down” to men with less education and who make less money. So in our case getting married is rarely a #LevelUp. “Finding” a Black wife is the #LevelUp so why doesn’t the Black church address boys and men? It instead gives men permission to treat women who aren’t wives however they want to.

Plus, the way yall talk about marriage? Got the nerve to tell me to #LevelUp and you climbing in bed with a broke man that can’t give you an orgasm. You #LevelUp first, sus. You. First.

And since we’re at church… There are plenty examples in the Bible of how men should treat women, what kind of husbands and fathers they should be. Let’s look at one. I have time. #BibleStudywithCarrie

When Joseph found out Mary was pregnant, he didn’t blast her on Facebook, he was hurt of course because he assumed Mary cheated on him and wasn’t trying to marry her. “But because Joseph… was a righteous man he was unwilling to disgrace her publicly, he resolved to divorce her privately.” (Matthew 1:19 CarrieOn version)

Joseph treated Mary honorably while he still believed she got pregnant by one of them Roman soldiers (I’m making this up, you’ll deal). THEN, he married her anyway and waited to have sex with her until Jesus was born. We only come to this passage of scripture during Christmas time, but I believe a few brothas could stand to learn about Joseph’s burden. Joseph treated Mary graciously as God treats us. We see Joseph following the command to treat your wife as Christ treats the church. Aren’t you glad God treats you with Grace?

There are plenty of fathers and husband in pulpits across America (women are kept out of many). Why is no one discussing being a husband and fatherhood?

My family is victim to a few men who weren’t taught to be husbands and fathers so when I hear niggas in the pulpit talking about women need to ‘cover up’ or ‘learn to cook’ or ‘stop wearing all that make up’ my eyes roll hard. They haven’t got stuck yet.

What if a woman (or man) enjoys being single and doesn’t want children? How does the church minister to women outside of being a wife and mother? In large part it doesn’t.

Personally, I’m trying to lose 100 lbs, make millions off my businesses, then invest in a farm. There’s no room for a husband and children in this vision. That isn’t what I want at the moment. (Eventually, I want children. I NEVER have to have a husband but I want my kids in a 2-parent household so I suppose I’ll get one. I digress.)

We are doing girls and women a disservice when we indoctrinate them to believe they are only valuable attached to  man. Don’t get me wrong, Mothers and wives are superheros and that’s what many women do want. That’s fine. But there are plenty of women who have other goals and aspirations and are just as LIT single.

Finally, we should teach people to be ‘good’ because it pleases God, not to please and impress other sinners.

In conclusion, women you’re fearfully and wonderfully made. Adam needed Eve, not the other way around. The first Gentile to declare Jesus the messiah was a woman, the first person to declare Jesus resurrected was a woman. You can do whatever you want husband or none. Prosper.

-CW

 

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Millenials and the Church Part 2

Here’s Part 1

Unauthentic emotionalism
Everybody loves a good shout. If nothing else its entertaining. But, if it happens every single Sunday and is forced, its not genuine. If I’m an emotional mess, I’m not engaged or listening. I certainly cannot be poured into that way. Of course we want to see a ‘move of God’ but that doesn’t always look emotional.

Lazy
It’s not always that deep. We were down to the bar Saturday night and Brunch starts at 2. We ain’t trying to get up in the mean time between time and go to church. Hungover. From what I’ve heard 🙂

We always want to leave church feeling good
If you’ve never been mad at your pastor’s sermon, if they’ve never made you feel bad about yourself, get you another pastor. Of course we go to church to feel better but the Gospel can be a sword (Matthew 10:34). Looking at yourself up against Jesus should make you thankful but it should also put a ‘woe is me’ in your spirit. God is after your heart. He isn’t concerned about you feeling good, being comfortable or having money. It may not be your season. You may not get a breakthrough next week. Hearing these LIES every Sunday may make you feel warm and fuzzy but they aren’t making you a better Christian.

Too Woke
Woke: to be socially conscious 
I have a few non-Christian “woke” friends.
“I see you still got that Roman cross on”
“Christianity was used to enslave us! It’s the white man’s religion!”
I’ve had these arguments. I rarely have them anymore. My rule is don’t disrespect what I believe, and I’ll respect what you believe. We can still coexist. I’m NOT going to stop being a Christian. This Roman cross is tattooed on me so we #minuswell move on.

Because being ‘woke’ is in and we’re all victims of peer pressure, it is important to know the word for yourself. I’m an activist because Jesus called me to be one and He is the activist I model my work after. Nobody was more woke than Jesus. I’m not going to let the Western World’s influence on Christianity keep me from Jesus. Problems with the presentation of Christianity (white Jesus) and the black church are totally valid. If the woke black people is on Sunday, I’ll be there AFTER church.

Generational Disconnect
Millennials and our parents and grandparents have our disagreements. I think what some millennials find frustrating is our parents and grandparents unwillingness to change. What worked in 1960 may not work in 2017. I believe there is middle ground. We are taught to respect our elders so it’s a challenge to be super honest. Lets talk about the generational disconnect of music. We’re free. (Well, we aren’t enslaved anymore, most of us… ) I’m tired of negro spirituals. I honestly never have to hear “Ride on King Jesus” again. He got off the donkey eventually.

The church doesn’t feel like it belongs to us when we hold no leadership positions and leadership doesn’t seem to be concerned about our generation. If it ain’t mine, I’ll be at the house. “No man can-a hinder me.”

Church has no impact on local community
Lots of us live in victimized communities. We have to be concerned about food deserts, gentrification, poor education, police brutality to name just a few. The church should be addressing these issues. If only because there is a black church on every corner in the hood. Shouting on Sunday ain’t enough. You ain’t being a light if the community is no different because you’re in it. It is as simple as showing up. As someone passionate about activism, I don’t feel the need to spend time and money on ANY organization that isn’t making a positive change.

In conclusion…
Thank you all so much for your patience. I have no computer at home and tendinitis. My local public library is Black af and not always the quietest place to write. I hope I gave someone some insight and can get some in return. These issues are not exclusive to millennials and it is my belief all Christians NEED TO GO TO CHURCH a few times a year. Thanks again. “… do justice, love mercy and walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8

– Carrie

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I don’t give a damn about the 2nd amendment.

We are not going to get gun control. I realized this in the aftermath of the Sandy Hook shooting. When the victims were white children and they still wouldn’t address gun control legislation, I knew that we may have to take matters (and guns) into our own hands.

“It’s my second amendment right!”

Fuck the second (and first too, but different conversation) amendment, honestly. It was written in 1791, and there were many ‘laws’ on the books we had to get rid of. The second amendment needs amending. Guns had one bullet when the second amendment was written. Women couldn’t vote. People were property. Men married they cousins.. etc. Things had to change.

AND AND AND.. nobody is trying to take away all guns. There simply needs to be legislation that limits the type of guns and equipment civilians can get. The second amendment only says you can have a gun. It doesn’t say you can have any kind of gun you want. No civilian should have an assault rifle. If you want an AR-15, join the military and go into a war zone. You get a gun and an outfit.

mass shootings.jpgAssault rifles are capable of firing off many rounds in a short period of time with high accuracy. These weapons were banned in 1994. The ban expired in 2004 and congress didn’t renew it. Statistically it is argued that the ban didn’t do much to help because we’re all more likely to be killed by handguns. I think that one incident and just one life behind a military style weapon in the hands of a civilian is worth a conversation. Much less dozens of incidents and hundreds of people.

Isn’t it interesting how everyone just shrugs their shoulders when it’s about something white men need to do or stop doing? Americans in Caribbean territories have no power. White men keep unleashing bullets into crowds of people. *Shrugs* I just wish the outrage behind kneeling during a song about a piece of cloth would carry on to an epidemic of mass shootings. Bitches. 

Did you know that in the past al-Qaeda (the muslims we’re supposed to be afraid of) encouraged its members to take advantage of American gun laws?

The current political machine is NOT going to pass any gun control legislation. Why not? The NRA. Simply put, the national rifle association buys politicians. Well, the NRA buys republicans. In the 2016 election cycle. The NRA spent $56.2 million on Republicans and $265 on Democrats.

Whenever there is a mass shooting, Republicans are quick to offer their ‘thoughts and prayers’ to the victims. Translation: I feel a teench guilty, but I’m still not gon do shit to fix this. It is not a politicians job to pray. The pastors have that covered. Keep your thoughts and your prayers. They probably aren’t getting past the ceiling anyhow.

 

Since we’ve established legislation isn’t going to work? What should we do? I’m glad you asked. I have time.

Elect politicians that aren’t bought by the NRA

I have no warm and fuzzy feelings about the two-party system. Republicans and Democrats belong in the same trash can to me. BUT this issue is partisan. Vote democrat if you want to see gun control via legislation. It is important to vote this way on the state level (Governor, State Senators/Reps) because many gun regulations can be changed on the state level. Make sure you know your state’s gun regulations. Here’s a list of what politicians have received money from the NRA by state. Drain the swamp. LOL. Take NRA funds out of the government.

More Regulations on the Federal Level

Many states do background checks on individuals looking to obtain a license. I think this should be a requirement for ALL states on the federal level and the more dangerous the gun, the more extensive your check. I want your google search data, what medicine you take, what you been to jail for, was ya momma crazy too? and with certain parameters. You can have this supersoaker but its a no for this AR-15.

marlon.jpgGet you a gun legally

Especially if you are a minority. Get a gun. White people love their second amendment. They won’t love it as much if you exercise that right as well. If a bunch of young black people start buying guns and walking around strapped, I promise something will happen.

Tax Ammunition

Highly taxed Ammo will help the local economy and make it harder to attain bullets. Those funds should then go to state-run gun violence education and prevention campaigns.

Ban White Men

This will solve a slew of problems. I said what I said.


In conclusion, there are answers to our problems and its going to take hard conversations, policy, and action to solve them. I’m going to pray but I’m going to DO SOMETHING too.

 

 

 

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Men Are Bitches.

I don’t usually post timely blogs cause I don’t want you all to get used to consistency and I want a timeless element to the blog. This one however wouldn’t leave me alone. Oh. Here’s a language disclaimer. I’m saved. I cuss.

According to dictionary.com,
Bitch [bich]: 1. female dog 2. a malicious, unpleasant or selfish person, especially a woman 3. to complain

The word bitch is usually reserved for women. Because of the hierarchy of feminine and masculine, no man wants to be called a bitch. I’m pretty sure the men reading are angry at me right now. A hit dog will holla. Lots of men (especially those cisgender and heterosexual) value their masculinity and ‘bitch’ is opposite of masculine. It’s cowardly, emotional, weak, soft, fragile. Men tell upset little boys “quit crying like a lil bitch!” I’m emasculating you by calling you a bitch, sir. I just want you to pay attention to what I’m saying. Society is largely patriarchal. Our political and corporate leaders, athletes, favorite artists a lot of times are men. I’m a cultural critic. I’m critiquing. Get into it.

I’m pretty logical. I know not all men are bitches. So, I’m going to be specific. Lets start at the top.

The President

We don’t speak his name. Kinda like Voldemort in Harry Potter. We call him ’45’ in my house. My president is Maxine Waters. VP is Beyonce. I said what I said.

I would argue that since the leader of the country is a bitch, the standard has been lowered. He’s still holding rallies after he won the whole election because he’s so insecure, he needs crowds of people to cheer for him to feel good about himself. It would be funny to watch if he wasn’t the chief diplomat. He’s a coward. He called an American citizen exercising his first amendment right a ‘son of a bitch’. He didn’t call white supremacists/neo nazis SOBS, the Taliban/Al-Qaeda (or whatever brown/Muslim people we fighting), Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Un, Hurricanes, or any true opponents SOBS. This bitch waited until he was in Alabama (not the HBCU part evidently) where he knew he would get applause to call athletes standing up for something righteous SOBs. Call Colin, LeBron, or Stephs SOBs to their face. He’s a political PickMe Penelope.

Bitch honorable mention: Congress for not impeaching him.

Piers Morgan

I woke up from a nap and Piers Morgan was trending but not dead. He tweeted this bull.

Using the N-word must give old white men erections. Piers’ bitch ass wanted to say ‘niggas’ so bad he brought up a 12 year old song. I promise a few rappers have used ‘nigga’ a few times since “Gold Digger”.  Piers used ‘nigga’ more than I do and I’m a nigga that says nigga all the time. Click on the picture to read the article. Piers is a respected journalist. He be on CNN and shit. Why is he constantly trolling black people to stay relevant? Doesn’t he know that #BlackTwitter does not posses the grace of Jesus?

White people. You don’t get to offer your opinion on the N-Word. I don’t get to offer my opinion on Lacrosse. I barely know what it is. Do you want to call me a nigga? Do you want to get hit in the mouth? Do not use it. Period. The whites are so used to having access to EVERYDAMN THING that they can’t wrap their minds around not having access to a word. One word.

Bitch honorable mention: Alpha Pi Sorority for rapping along and not omitting the N-word. That’s in the white fan of hip-hop handbook.

Another Bitch honorable mention: Niggas that don’t like being called niggas.

The NFL

Oh yall bitches wanna kneel and lock arms now? Some of yall bitches just gonna stay in the locker room? Football is an aggressive sport. They hit each other so hard their brains start deteriorating and they literally go CRAZY before 50 or earlier. But when it comes to injustice, they are rather docile. We are all too docile to injustice in my opinion. Colin Kaepernick was kneeling ALONE last year. “I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color. To me, this is bigger than football and it would be selfish on my part to look the other way. There are bodies in the street and people getting paid leave and getting away with murder.” 

Yall’s black asses are going to let a biracial guy raised by white people stand up taller than you for the rights of black people?!

I’m not impressed by players who chose to show solidarity for the first time. The conversation has now become about the President’s name calling, superficial/symbolic patriotism and not about victims of police brutality. Choosing to kneel for the first time yesterday shows that players were more offended by being called SOBs than state sponsored violence against black people. Only when their egos were bruised did those BITCHES decide to take action. They were standing up for Colin and for themselves. They were standing up against 45. Meanwhile, the 200+ black people that the police have killed since Kap first protested have been forgotten.

Check out the data on police shootings compiled by the Washington Post and The Guardian.

Bitch Honorable Mention: Niggas who won’t protest the NFL.

Dr. Boyce Watkins

I’m a fan of Doc. That doesn’t mean I always agree with him. On Saturday on Facebook he said “Toxic Feminism has done nearly as much harm to the black family as the KKK its self” NIGGA WHAT? That statement was like Hotep level 10. Don’t take a worthy conversation (Toxic Masculinity) and make it fit your agenda. Ole “I know you are but what am I” head ass. Feminism is the advocacy of women’s rights based on the equality of the sexes. We have a bad habit of blaming the woman always. Women do some crazy shit. I know. I am one. I’m nuts. But Dad/Husband/Baby Daddy left the family and Mom/Wife/Baby Momma stayed and raised all the kids and feminism destroyed the family? Not the bitch who made a family and then left.

Not to mention many black women don’t identify as feminists because feminism is VERY white.

I’d love to have a conversation with Doc about this. Maybe I shouldn’t have called him a bitch first. Ah well.

Bitch Honorable Mention: The Hoteps and PickMe Penelopes cosigning Doc in the comments.

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Thus is my argument of the bitch-ness of men. Don’t come in my inbox telling me why you aren’t a bitch (yes you are) or that not all men are bitches. If you want to have a meaningful conversation, I’m all for it. Also. if you’re chunky with a beard, a nose ring, love the Lord and want a nice wife to ruin your credit and tell you that you’re trash feel free to inbox as well.

Future Blogs
Wednesday: Millenials and The Church Part 2.
In the near future: Church Songs that are a Lie.

Thank you.

-CGW

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Millennials & the Church Part 1

Millennials: Born from 1982-2002

Praise the Lord Saints, we’re going to tackle why black millennials have stopped coming to church. I got asked about it from a few friends that are leaders in the church and figured I’d offer my perspective and the anonymous perspective of a few friends. I quickly realized it be easier to digest in a parts. (Also, tendinitis in my wrist) This is the Part 1. Stay tuned for the remix (Part 2) coming at cha this fall.

I was forced as a child, I’m grown now and don’t have to.
Growing up, there was never a discussion about church. “Get up its 9” is the extent of the conversation. My brother and I didn’t have a choice.  Doesn’t every generation rebel when they ‘get grown’?

Service is too long
And do you know WHY we didn’t wanna go? We’d go Sunday at 11 and leave Tuesday at 3 with no break and no snacks. I still struggle doing it as an adult. I can imagine how kids struggle.

Church Anniversary was recently. Service started at 11….. 11:15. The preacher didn’t get up till 1pm. All them speeches, presentations, poems and shit! It feels too long because what we doing on service feels like open mic night sometimes. It has nothing to do with Jesus. Church is one place anybody can get up and get their 15 even if they don’t have any business with a microphone. By the time you’re frustrated and hungry, you can’t listen or engage in service properly.

Technology
“TD. Jakes and Bobby Jones have helped folks stay committed to Beside Baptist. Now with the ability to live stream church services YouTube past sermons and etc people feel like why so I need to come all the way to the church I can worship right at home.”

I can stream service at hundreds of churches across the country and not get out of bed. It’s lazy. But as someone with social anxiety, it’s just easier to watch from the house.

Church Niggas Christians
“Since I’ve been attending Bedside Baptist I haven’t been personally victimized by any of the church mothers. Nobody has attacked me for being 30, unwed, with no kids. Nobody has told me I need to put more money in the offering plate after I just gave my last. ”

“I stopped going to church for a long time because of “church hurt” but eventually I had to stop risking my foundation with Christ because of people…. I realized that if I keep my eye on Christ and not the distraction/people regardless of what is said or done (which is hard) I’m less penetrated by the foolishness.”
I’ve dealt with church hurt. I was younger in my walk with Christ. It is silly to let God’s people keep you from God. When I’m sick, I go to the hospital. I don’t leave because ‘eww, all these sick people’. We’re all sinners. As I matured in my walk with Christ, church folk don’t bother me as much. It takes LOTS OF PRAYER, chile.

Leadership or lack their of
“…around my area with the black pastors, I just hear too many stories of these pastors and the allegations of baby mommas and side chicks”

“…too many of our churches are centered around leadership (pastor, worship leaders, other preachers or people in prominent placement), and this is a turnoff to a generation of community minded people like us millennials.”

The #BlackLivesMatter Movement that many millennials have embraced is a ‘leaderless’ movement. There is no pastor, president or CEO. It’s all of us or none of us. I do believe a pastor is necessary but we walk on the line of idolatry when it comes to our Pastor and First Lady.

Also, many leaders (deacons, preachers) in the church lead raggedy lives and as someone who is trying to be better, I need an example especially in a man. Men tend to not hold each other accountable. That’s another discussion though.

Sex
Yall lied to us about sex. All yall said was it’s for one man and one woman in marriage and don’t do it until then. As a preteen I wondered why adults kept saying don’t have sex. It didn’t sound appealing anyway.

Nobody told me that sex feels good.

Also, we’re told that masturbation is a sin as well. So how do I deal with my physical urges? I didn’t get those answers in church.

Homophobia/Gender Roles
” I’m a preacher’s kid and queer! Where do I begin….hypocrites, non-inclusive language and consistent perpetuation of gender roles!

The church has very conditional homophobia. Church queens make service lit with the music and the dance ministry. But the gays is going to hell.

Also, gender roles. I believe that gender is God’s design and for a purpose. But I wasn’t taught how to operate outside of wife and mother. When and if it happens, great. But I’m single with no kids and I wanna stay that way for a few years. Ain’t many niggas around here to ‘submit to’. So do I get a fixer upper nigga or what? The church teaches women to submit but not men to be somebody to submit to.

Thirdly, many of us (including me) are products of single parent homes where there was no man of the house. The woman was the leader of the family. I haven’t seen many examples of a submissive wife that were… appealing.

 

This is part 1. I pray that I’ve given some insight. If you’re a millennial and have anything to contribute to the church discussion, feel free to hit me up. This is an ongoing discussion. If you come up in my inbox trying to argue, I’m #ReclaimingMyTime God bless you real good.

 

– Carrie

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